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Author: Nicole Ivens

Balanced Friendships

Balanced Friendships as an Empath

Do you know what balanced friendships look like?

 

As empaths we are naturally caring and giving, always wanting the best for those around us and of course we can feel when that is not the case.  We tend to leap into action doing what we can to help and support that person to feel better, because as they feel better we feel better too.

What happens in the aftermath is a clear indication of the health and balance of the friendship, once they are feeling back to their old self and the issue is solved, what actions do they then take?

In balanced friendships there will be gratitude for the support you have provided, there will be no silence or ghosting, there will be no lack of contact until the next time you are needed.  Most importantly when you are in need of support, they will be right there holding you up in your time of need.

Balanced Friendships

 

Unfortunately empaths and highly sensitive souls have a tendency to be used in relationships and friendships because they give their everything and don’t always have that favour returned.  I know I have experienced this in my life time and time again, I would be the go to person when life got messy, I would drop everything and be there to support them through.  The storm would pass and I would be dropped like a hot potato and not hear from them again until the next storm.

I would always ask myself “why does this keep happening, I am a good person, do I not deserve to have contact with them outside of their storm?”  Of course when I started to unpack it, I could see it as a pattern within me that needed healing, my walls were down there were no boundaries to be seen, it was like open season.

As a recovering people pleaser I would always do whatever I could do to please others and of course that meant doing so much more for them and being there at the drop of a hat with no consideration for my own needs.  All that did was allow them to then also have no consideration for my needs, why would they, I sure didn’t.

I’ll be honest with you until very recently I didn’t even know what a balanced friendship looked like or felt like, thankfully I do now and do you know why I now know that and feel that?  I healed the part inside of me, my inner child who had been hurt so many times by people she thought were friends, that I finally felt deserving of a balanced friendship of someone that cares for and believes in me wholeheartedly.

I will take a shot in the dark and say this is probably your experience too, you may have been hurt by people in the past and now its hard to trust, hard to believe that having people in your corner is even a possibility.

“I am here to tell you right now, you are deserving, you are worthy and your soul-friends are just waiting for you.”

Balanced Friendships

 

The path to your soul-friends is to be open, to be very open to the people you are surrounding yourself with right now.  Disclaimer: It doesn’t mean they are bad, they are not, from your unhealed place you have welcomed in behaviour that is no longer acceptable to you.

Just because you have been friends since school or maybe it’s “but they are my family” or “its just the way they are” or “its just always been this way”.  These are all beliefs that have most likely been placed on you and they are beliefs that are keeping you from being your true self, because that true self is exhausted under the weight of carrying the burdens of others.

Wouldn’t you just love to let all that go?  Start to feel free and know that balanced and soulful connections are possible for you too.

You don’t have to be a doormat, you don’t have to be a sponge.  What if the way in which you have been allowing others to treat you is in fact not only stunting your spiritual growth but theirs as well.  As empaths we are all about helping, so what if just for a moment you could entertain the idea that there is another way to help those around you.

It is not our job to carry the burdens for others but help, teach and support them to carry it for themselves.  Now I know we have a tendency to fix, it’s a natural human desire to take pain way from our loved ones, but in pain lies growth.  I see this so much in the work that I do with my private clients, pain moves them to action so much quicker than pleasure ever does.

If you do everything in your power to take away their pain, you are interfering in their growth process, in the growth of their soul.  I envision our souls sometimes acting like Homer Simpson saying “DOH” we were so close.

So let’s look at this in the concept of balanced friendships, so of course you are going to want to be there for your friends in their times of need, it is your natural state of being but the question is “is it theirs?”.

There may be a number of reasons as to why it is not theirs, seeing the pain in others isn’t easy, being able to hold space for another in their time of need isn’t easy as I am sure you know all too well.  But for empaths we do this naturally, it is our natural state of being, but it isn’t for everyone.

The question you want to ask yourself is “if my friend is unable to hold space for me when I need it, am I okay with continuing to do it for them?”

You might be and that is 100% okay, if you are not if you have had enough, then it is time for change.  Like I said earlier in the article, it doesn’t make them bad or you bad, it is just your expectations have changed and you now require more from your friendships and that is also 100% okay.

Now of course in any friendship there are going to be up and down times, back and forth, times where you need more support and times where they need more support.  Even periods where it may feel that either you or your friend is needing more and that is okay, the important focus is if the tables were turned would it look similar?

I hope this article helps you to start to assess your friendships and gain an understanding as to whether they are balanced and above all know that you are worthy and deserving of balanced friendships with others where you feel supported and held.

I would love to hear your experience within your friendships, comment below you never know who needs to hear it.


I work with empaths and highly sensitive souls providing support, guidance and healing.  To book your online or in-person session click here.


Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor

Brain fog

How to Deal with Brain Fog as an Empath

Does it feel sometimes like your brain is sitting behind a veil?

Brain fog is real thing that many empaths suffer from, it can feel like confusion and the inability to focus.  It has also been described as a feeling of just not being here, or off with the fairies is another term that has been used to describe the feeling.

In a world where we are continuously being told to practice mindfulness and meditation, not being able to just be present in the current moment and have the ability to concentrate can be extremely frustrating.

There are three parts of us that are contributing to this ‘brain fog’, mind, heart and body.  When all three of these are working in unison, you will feel grounded, balanced and wholly here in the present moment.

What reasons could there be as to why they are not working in unison?

Each part of you has its own job and sometimes those jobs can be in conflict with each other, for example the mind has its own idea of what needs to happen but that may differ from the yearning of the heart.

The body is a place of wisdom and holds the truth and the trauma of the sum of your experiences.

So if you are connecting with just one of those areas you will start to experience an imbalance and as the other areas work to be heard it can feel overwhelming and you may feel a sense of confusion.

Most people consistently operate from their mind, leaving out the wisdom of the body and the connectedness of the heart.  This will cause your body and your heart to become louder and louder, trying different things to attain your attention.

Can you imagine three parts of you, all using different signals to grab your attention at the same time?

It is no wonder that you are experiencing brain fog, confusion and an inability to focus in the present moment.  It reminds me as a mum when all the kids are vying for my attention at the same time, can anyone say ‘save me’?

So of course we want to bring these parts of you back into unison, but first we need to look at this from the unique perspective of being an empath.

As an empath you are very connected to the energy around you but also to higher planes of consciousness as well, and this can cause you to have an out of body experience.  This in and of itself can cause your brain to feel like it has been left behind and is essentially sitting behind a veil.

You are a spiritual being having an earthly experience and let’s get real, it is not an easy experience, earth isn’t exactly an easy place to inhabit as a sensitive being.  So you may be doing what you can to escape that uncomfortableness at every chance you get, elevating to the higher planes where you feel beautiful energy that aligns with yours perfectly.

Whilst this is an amazing gift that we have, to be able to elevate our energy to these beautiful higher realms, we did choose to come to earth at this time and we do have a job to do, lessons to learn for our soul.

So we do need to learn how to exist on this plane, on earth whether it is easy or not.  I can promise you the more time your consciousness spends on this plane, earth and implementing the strategies I am going to share with you, it will become easier and you will notice your brain fog, confusion and ability to focus improve.

5 Ways to Ground Your Energy to Earth

  1. It is time to renew your oath that you made before coming to earth.  “I {insert your name} pledge to come to planet earth, to learn my soul lessons, to support my soul mate family and raise the vibration of the planet”
  2. Daily practice to bring the consciousness of higher realms to you, instead of you feeling the need to shift your consciousness to the higher realms.  Connect with nature, barefoot on the earth is a wonderful way to ground your energy to mother earth, to connect with her, to bring the support and guidance from the higher realms that you need.
  3. Golden Shower.  As empaths we tend to pick up and absorb the energies around us from both environments and people, so it is imperative that you are cleansing that energy from your aura and physical body.  The golden shower is a wonderful way to do just that, standing under the water, envision the water falling is a golden waterfall and it is cleansing all of the energy you have picked up throughout the day.
  4. Angel Mist.  An aura spray is a wonderful product to carry with you, so anytime you feel a disconnection or you have picked up energy from others, this amazing spray will cleanse you in the moment.  Giving you the opportunity to feel present and the ability to focus in the moment.  Click here to purchase your own Angel Mist Spray.
  5. Meditation.  Sitting quietly and just envisioning the white light coming in through your crown chakra, bringing in the light codes and guidance from the higher realms, allowing you to still receive exactly what you need without having to feel ungrounded, confused, lost and unable to focus in the moment.

 

 

Now of course it is wonderful to visit the higher realms and our ability to do that is such a gift and I am not saying you shouldn’t be doing that, what I am suggesting is that if it is starting to affect your day to day life, then it may be important to look at the reason why you are spending more time in the higher realms.

 

I would love to hear how this article has resonated with you and your experience as an empath.  Comment below, you never know who your experience may help.


I specialise in supporting Empaths and Highly Sensitive Souls, if you are finding it hard to cope with your sensitivity, I would love to help you.  Helping you to embrace the super power that is your sensitivity and knowing it is your gift and how you can use it to support yourself.  Book your session here.


Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor

 

 

How to Start Your Day

The Power of Morning Rituals

The first 20 minutes of your day are the most potent and have the biggest effect on what you experience in the hours ahead of you.

This gives you an amazing opportunity to hop in the drivers seat and decide how it is you would like your day to be.

Morning rituals are a wonderful way to get you started on setting up your morning in the best way possible to support you towards feeling and experiencing what it is you want for your day.

I just want you to think about when you wake up in the morning, do you really think about it that much or are you just on auto pilot.

Just waking up getting done what you need to get done and getting out of the house.  Or have you been able to be more mindful and really starting to notice how your morning can affect the rest of your day.

I have really noticed in my own life when I set up my morning in a certain way, it can really make a difference in my day but that can go in either direction.

If you have the habit when first waking up in the morning of grabbing your phone, ipad or laptop and whether that is going through emails or going straight on social media, you are deciding in that moment how you are going to set up your day.

When you start the day in that way sometimes it can have a really negative effect on you, because you are starting out your day externally, really looking at what is happening in the world outside of you.

This is all before your feet have even touched the ground, before you have even had a chance to connect with the energy of mother earth.  Instead of spending that sacred time turning inside, seeing what is going on for you.

To help you start to get into the habit of starting to implement a morning ritual, to set your day up in a good way and reduce the effect the external world may be having on you, I am going to share with you some different morning rituals.

Morning Rituals Morning RitualsMorning Rituals Morning Rituals

Each morning ritual is very powerful on its own, so don’t worry you don’t need to do all of them.  I would urge you to give each of them a try and really feel into which one is feeling the most supportive for you.

Personally I use all of them at different times, intuitively feeling into which one I need, depending on what is going on for me at the time.  I would also recommend you start to take note of how your day starts to flow by starting your day in these ways, instead of focusing on the external world first.

What you may start to notice is that things flow a little easier because the universe is always responding to us, so if you can imagine for a moment the vibration you are emitting when you are in a hurried state, a stressed state or an anxious state.

This is what the universe is reflecting back to you, so for example, if you are feeling hurried then the universe will provide more things to make you feel hurried.

Whereas if you are able to start your day in a more calm, relaxed, aligned state then the universe has no choice but to still respond to you, reflect back to you what it is you are emitting, so you will experience more things that allow you to feel more calm, relaxed and aligned.

I know it is not easy to always find the time in the morning, but I can guarantee you, if like me you were jumping on social media, that will save you tons of time.  I was amazed at how much more time I had in the morning for my morning rituals.  Of course I am only human so I fall back sometimes into that old habit, but it quickly reminds me when I am noticing a negative shift in my mood and as such my day.

Give these morning rituals a go, reminding yourself that you are worth it and social media and emails will wait, they will still be there waiting for you once you are ready to face the external world.

I would love to hear how these feel for you, comment below and let me know and share any rituals that you find are helpful.


I offer private holistic counselling sessions online and in-person at my Gold Coast Clinic.  To book your session, click here.


Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor

 

Give Yourself Permission To Feel

Give Yourself Permission to Feel What You Feel

Welcome back to Season 2 of the Nurtured Empath Podcast

 

So, here we are back with season two and you know thinking about what the first episode would be for season two.

What really came through to me was what I have been seeing through client sessions in the last few months, it’s really been about not been able to feel what you feel.

What I have been noticing is that a lot of people will excuse how they are feeling because, especially with what we have been experiencing over the last year 2020 they feel like there are other people out there that are worse off.

And you know what it really doesn’t matter what other people are going through. This is about you and how you are feeling and about what you are experiencing.

Now you pushing down and not expressing or processing how it is that you are feeling and what it is that you are experiencing is not helping anybody.

Not helping you and not helping the other people you’re seeing that you are feeling are going through worse things than you are.

give yourself permission to feel

You not expressing your own feelings does nothing for them, it’s not going to help them on their path at all. All it’s going to do is to cause you to feel worse because you’re not going to be expressing or processing how you are feeling.

You’re going to be putting on that mask like we pretend to do to say you know what everything is okay, I am fine. That is obviously a big statement that empaths tend to use and females especially tend to use, we use that statement of I’m fine.

I think I have mentioned this before in the previous season of this podcast. I am fine is a statement that is banned in my household because it’s not a true statement.

When someone says they are fine, majority of the time they are not fine, they are just saying I don’t want to burden you with this, so I am going to say that I am fine.

All you’re saying is I can’t feel what I feel because the person over there has got it worse than I do. All that is doing is you’re pushing it down and not processing, and what not processing does is that it fills you up on the inside. And if you are filled up in the inside then it reduces your capacity to help other people.

So, if you are seeing someone else whether they’re close to you or just someone you know going through a tough time, and you feel that what your experience is, is less compared to what they’re going through.

While you not processing what’s going on for you that means you are minimising your capacity to help them with whatever they’re going through.

So, why would you want to do that?  Why would you want to look at their situation? That is really bad so, what I’m going through that is nothing I’m not going to deal with it.  All you are doing is just reducing that space that you have within you to help them with whatever they are going through.

I know for me I wouldn’t want to do that, in my role obviously as a counsellor I have to have the capacity to help my clients.

It’s important that I always deal with my stuff and I can tell you the things I hear from my clients are one hundred times worse than what I go through.

But it doesn’t minimise what I experience, I need to be processing and expressing that for myself, so then I still have that capacity to help them and that is the same for you.

Make sure you’re always expressing your own feelings, giving yourself permission to feel.

So, then you have that space to help other people that are going through some tough times.

I hope that helps you understand the importance of giving yourself the permission to feel.

So, it’s really important for you to start to know it’s okay to feel what you feel. It’s okay to express what you feel. It’s okay to process what you feel.

“Give Yourself Permission To Feel”

Blocking that and pretending to feel okay, is not helping you to grow it’s stunting your growth, your spiritual growth.

It’s important for you to give yourself the permission to feel.

That is really the message I wanted to get across in the first episode of season two.

“It is okay to feel”

give yourself permission to feel

I really want you to go ahead and be doing that, to start to process or to express what you feel.

Journaling is a great way to do that, it’s like a brain dump, open the page and really writing about truly how you are feeling.

What’s been happening? Who is part of the story? What’s the environment it’s happening in?

Really writing all of it out, getting it out of your brain, it’s going to help you to express and process it. To see the truth of what is really going on.

Because when we leave things up in our mind, they tend to gain momentum and the story can have things added into it that aren’t necessarily true.

This will really help you to express, process and really move through whatever it is you have been experiencing.

That is my tip for you today to really start to understand what is you are feeling.  I am going to leave you with a question:

“When was the last time you really gave yourself the permission to feel what you feel?”


Nicole offers both in-person and online holistic counselling sessions, to book your session click here


Nicole Ivens | Holistic Counsellor

 

PTSD

PTSD – It Doesn’t Discriminate!

PTSD – It Doesn’t Discriminate!

PTSD – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or now known as PTSS – Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome has always been something associated with the armed forces, that is where you would hear about it the most. In our men and women returning from war, from all the awful things they had to endure, makes sense right?

If we look at what PTSD or PTSS stands for there is no where in there that it says anything about who does or doesn’t suffer from it, not like it is labelled PTSDM – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in the Military.  It is really just a societal belief that those that have gone to war are most likely going to suffer from it due to the experiences they have endured.

But PTSD Does Not Discriminate, it doesn’t care what your job is or even your experience it just comes from a time where your brain has been overwhelmed by an experience and a trauma capsule is formed to protect you.

I learned this of course in my studies and working as a Counsellor and EFT Practitioner who happens to specialise in Trauma, but most recently PTSD snuck up on me personally.

My daughter was diagnosed with Epilepsy in 2015, with her first tonic clonic seizure in December 2014, I remember bringing her home from the hospital and her lying on my lap and thinking to myself it is my responsibility to keep her safe and alive.  For three years I was on high alert never far from her and if she was at school my phone was glued to my hand, I was on call 24-7.

PTSD

 

I remember going to the gym and participating in cycle class and my phone would sit on the bike and between songs I would always stop to check it, to make sure I hadn’t missed a call from school.

During that time I also had to monitor her at night time for any seizure activity on instruction from the doctor, on our first appointment with her neurologist I remember him saying “You are aware she can die in her sleep, right?”  My husband and I were like a deer in the headlights, um no we weren’t aware of that.  So commenced nightly monitoring and no restful sleep for me.

We finally found a great combination of anti-seizure medication for her a couple of years ago and her seizures settled for the most part, still having some but nothing like they were in the beginning.  So I was able to start to stand down a little, not be on such high alert, able to breathe a little easier.

Fast forward to a couple months ago where her neurologist wanted to wean her off one of her medications, slowly we reduced her medication and this week she was completely off the medication and then whammo the seizures returned with a vengeance.

It hit me really hard, so many tears and breakdowns, I was feeling so worried and of course as a mum to a kid with epilepsy that makes sense right?  I could have easily just left it at that, she is having seizures it’s fair enough to be upset and worried.  But as I looked around both at her and my husband, they were not having the same reaction, they were still upbeat, coping reasonably well.

PTSD

So I had to look deeper at my reaction, why was I feeling this way?  Why was I responding differently?  What were these breakdowns really about?

In steps my PTSD, this experience was reminding me of a time where she was experiencing so many seizures, they were out of control.  So not only was I dealing with what was right in front of me in my present reality, I was also burdened with the past experiences.

It was time to heal what I had experienced previously so I could then deal with just what was happening in the present, without the burden of the past events.  Thankfully I knew exactly how to do that, EFT was and is my saviour, providing me with the emotional freedom I needed to continue to be able to cope with her Epilepsy.

I allowed the memories to come through showing me what parts of me, experiences and events I needed to start to heal.  The first one was as I mentioned earlier in this article, the time when we came home from hospital and she was laying on me and I made the promise to always keep her safe.

I tapped on that promise, on that heavy burden I had been carrying to keep her safe and alive.  Bit by bit, memory by memory and layer by layer I healed and released all that was burdening me and causing the decrease of my ability to cope in the present moment.

I am still a work in progress and as every memory surfaces I will heal and release, not forcing anything or having a timeline but knowing I have the perfect tool to help me to heal my PTSD.

If you can take anything away from this article and my personal experience, I want you to know that each of us can only deal with so much at any one time and if life is overwhelming you or you are finding your reactions feel unbalanced it is not because there is anything wrong with you but you have just dealt with too much for too long.


Please reach out to me if this article resonates with you, I would love to support you and help you to start to heal and release and achieve beautiful emotional freedom.

Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor

How to Boost Your Immune System

How to Boost Your Immune System

How To Boost Your Immune System

 

This is a topic and question on everyone’s mind right now on a global scale, how can I boost my immunity?  I know for me when this global pandemic started my first thoughts went to how am I going to keep my girls safe, especially my eldest who is immunocompromised.

We went through all the normal steps that were being recommended by medical experts, social distancing, personal hygiene, hand sanitizer and vitamin supplements.

As an energy healer I was very aware that there was more too it, there were other things that had the capacity to be lowering our immunity.

According to the Centre for Disease Control (CDC) there is and emotional component in 85% of all illnesses.

Stress and anxiety can have a huge impact on your physical health, especially chronic levels and during this time there is unprecedented levels of stress in people on a global scale.

To add to that is not only your own stress and anxiety, but what you as an Empath are feeling from not only those in your physical presence but the overwhelming vibration of our planet right now.

You may look at your own circumstances and feel you know what it’s okay, I am doing fine, yet still experiencing a low grade anxiety.  The issue I have noticed with that is, when it is your own stress and anxiety you can use your coping tools but when its coming from something you know nothing about, now that is challenging.

Just the awareness of the vibration that the planet is operating at right now can be a huge help to you, knowing that you may feel a low grade anxiety that is not yours helps you to cope.

Connecting in with your cosmic team and always asking the question “is this mine?” If not ask them to release it from your auric field.  Due to the high levels of anxiety right now, it is important to add this to your tool box and use it regularly.

Lets look at how stress effects your immune system:

“Since emotions run every system in the body, don’t underestimate their power to treat and heal” – Dr Candace Pert

What we think and what we tell ourselves can either support or undermine our health.  Because the immune system is so sensitive to thoughts, emotions, and subtle energies, energy healing can be an extremely useful tool in supporting wellness, fighting illness and speeding healing.


According to Neuroscientist Dr Joe Dispenza – You can read full article here

How to Boost Your Immune System

“As people begin to overcome emotional states that keep them connected to past experiences—as they break out of redundant habits and automatic programs, as well as change certain self-destructive attitudes and beliefs—aspects of their immune system up-regulate genes. This means that their thoughts and feelings are signaling cells within the body’s internal defense system to turn on healthy genes to make better proteins—otherwise known as healthy anti-bodies—as well as a host of other beneficial chemicals to balance and regulate the body. This process in turn reduces inflammation, suppresses tumors, mobilizes enzymes, and so on.

So the next time you sit down to create a better life, a healthier body, or a new experience, just remember that your brain and body have never been separate and the bridge between them is your immune system. You see, your body has always been spying on your brain. So why not use your nervous system—the greatest pharmacist ever—to activate your body’s internal army to create order for you every day? You don’t even need a prescription.”


Understanding the effect of stress on your physical body is the first step but as we all know stress is a constant in all of our lives.  So the important thing is to learn how to navigate it in your life, finding, understanding and implementing coping tools that help to reduce your stress levels.

EFT has been shown through scientific studies to have a great effect both on lowering stress levels but also the physical effects of stress on the body, including the immune system.  The following physical improvements have been recorded:

  • Lowers your blood pressure
  • Boosts your immune system
  • Reduces inflammation
  • Lowers your level of stress hormones
  • Boosts your metabolism
  • Counters aging
  • Improves your resting heart rate
  • Helps your cells fight cancer
  • Counters insulin resistance
  • Improves your neural signaling
  • Counters autoimmune disease
  • Strengthens your cell membranes
  • Reduces oxidative stress

How to Boost Your Immune System

EFT Tapping has been scientifically proven to rewire the brain to bring both the body and mind back into balance!

“The most revealing studies of the physiological aspects of EFT have examined its epigenetic effects. A population of veterans with PTSD received 10 EFT sessions. It found regulation of 6 genes associated with inflammation and immunity. A pilot study comparing an hour-long EFT session with placebo in 4 nonclinical participants found differential expression in 72 genes. These included genes associated with the suppression of cancer tumors, protection against ultraviolet radiation, regulation of type 2 diabetes insulin resistance, immunity from opportunistic infections, antiviral activity, synaptic connectivity between neurons, synthesis of both red and white blood cells, enhancement of male fertility, building white matter in the brain, metabolic regulation, neural plasticity, reinforcement of cell membranes, and the reduction of oxidative stress. The broad function of this suite of genes is similar to that found in Church et al, confirming the association of EFT with the downregulation of inflammation and stress markers and the upregulation of immune markers.”  You can read the full scientific study here

Whilst seeing the scientific studies is needed and fantastic to see, I have found both my own personal experience and those of my clients is the most powerful. Just a short three years ago I was very unwell physically after many years of chronic stress levels due to my daughters seizures.

Through the use of EFT to navigate my stress levels, I was able to not only cope with what I needed to deal with I was able to heal events, memories and words of my past that were having a large impact on my body.

I went from getting sick all the time, a new cold or infection every week to feeling well and not catching any colds or infections.  I was amazed to see the difference in how I was feeling just by healing emotionally.

“Our emotional wellbeing has a massive effect on our physical wellbeing” – Nicole Ivens


To start to learn how to navigate your stress and anxiety levels and learn the wonderful and effective technique of EFT, you can book your session here.

Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor

Independence a Trauma Response

Is Your Independence a Trauma Response?

Is Your Independence a Trauma Response?

 

Something I have witnessed over the years working with my clients is the “Strong Woman” essence.  A facade that sensitive women in particular wear and present to the world to cover up what they are truly feeling below the surface.

Independence a Trauma Response

Strong women are fiercely independent not needing anyone or anything to help them, they use statements like “I can do it myself”.  It is a bit of a joke in our family here as when my husband would ask if I needed help, I would always say “No I can do it myself”.

I would see needing help as a weakness, like there was something wrong with me that I couldn’t handle it myself.  If I showed weakness that would open me up to feeling vulnerable and then essentially heartbreak.

Thinking about children, asking for help is not something they struggle with, if you are anything like me I have said to my kids “if I hear mum one more time, I’m going to change my name”.  So clearly kids are very good at getting their needs met, so when does that change?

When do we go from getting all our needs met and being okay with it, to seeing independence as strength and receiving help and support as weakness?

Experiencing trauma can cause you to do whatever you need to, to feel safe and sometimes that includes shutting yourself off, building that wall and the only person you rely on is YOU.

Telling yourself that you prefer it this way, it’s just easier to do it yourself because then there is no risk of been let down, disappointed or hurt.

This can come from all those times in your life where you were let down, disappointed and hurt by people you trusted.  It may have been a parent saying they will pick you up and then forgot, a sibling saying they will always have your back and then don’t show up, a friend that takes more than they give.

All these experiences add up to you losing trust in people and learning that the only person you can trust is yourself and in steps independence and your strong woman essence.

Whilst your independence may feel like it is protecting you from the outside world it is wearing away at the trust you also have of yourself.

When someone lets you down and you realise you can’t trust them, what are you equating that says about you?  That maybe you can’t trust yourself to make choices about others and who you can allow into your inner circle.

Losing trust in yourself has a massive affect on every part of your being, internal and external world.  It makes it hard to make even the easiest of decisions like what to eat.

Trust in yourself is imperative to living the life you came here to live at this time, to learn the soul lessons and fulfill both your life and soul purpose.

To start to understand more about your independence and learn whether it is a trauma response, is to ask yourself “what does independence mean to me?” and “why am I so independent?”.

These journaling questions are going to help you to start to know whether there is some healing needed, so you can start to trust in yourself and in others and stop living the lonely life of independence.

“You are worthy of a life that is supported by both fellow earthly souls and of course the universe and your cosmic team”


If you are feeling ready to heal your trauma, I would love to support you as you heal and release those events, moments and words of your past.  Click here to book your session.

Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor

Who Am I? – A Journey to Reclaim Your Self-Worth

Who Are You? – A Journey To Reclaim Your Self-Worth

 

Who are you is something that has been surfacing in private sessions with clients over the last couple of weeks, so I thought it must be an important topic to write about.

So let’s think about that question “who are you?” I am sure you are probably thinking of all the ways you can describe yourself to me, so using myself as an example I would say “I am a mum to two teenage girls, wife, sister, daughter and holistic counsellor”.  But you know what, what does that truly tell you about me, it doesn’t tell you much about my true essence does it?

It just tells you about the labels I have either put on myself or have been put on me by other people, as women that is something that happens to us a lot.  We are given these labels that we then need to live up to, for example I am a mum, so I am constantly doing what I can to live up to that label to be what my kids need, to be a good mum.

Again that is just a label, it doesn’t really tell you anything about my true essence, and the same goes for all the other labels that have been put on me.  Things that have been put on me to help describe who I am to people and that is a societal thing.  We all do it, put labels on ourselves and others so we can put each other in these little files, to know what or who each person is.

Today I was listening to a podcast episode with Dr Wayne Dyer and he said something that really struck a chord with me, and what he said was:

“Your Excitement Is Who You Are” – Dr Wayne Dyer

What he was really talking about was that when we look at ourselves and that comes back to how we describe ourselves, looking at a photo of ourselves or our physical presence, we can say that is who I am.  That person in that photo, yes that is me, or that person I see in the mirror, yes that is me.

But really none of the cells that our physical presence is made up of is older than seven years old, as each of our cells regenerates every seven years.  So he was talking about a photo he was looking at of himself at 21 years old and thought at the time, yes that is me.  He was now in his 50’s when he recorded this talk and was saying no physical cell from that photo was left in his body now at age 50, so he was none of those things anymore.

Dr Wayne Dyer

The person he thought he was at that time no longer exists, so he asked himself the question “who am I truly?”  So when you think about that inner essence, it doesn’t have any of those labels.  That inner essence is something that has been with you always, you can call it all different things, whether it is soul or spirit, it has been there all along and it will continue to be there.

Thinking about when you were a child, you didn’t have the label of being a parent did you? Or being a wife/husband/partner, you didn’t have the label of the job or career you are in.  But that essence that was in you then is still in you now, that is who you are.

It is when we start to look at ourselves, look at who we are and look at our self worth from an external point, from what your body looks like or the job that you do or the things that you have (material possessions).

If you attach yourself to those things that that is who I am, that is when you are going to get yourself in to trouble, because you know what with all of those things they can be taken away in a second.  Your material possessions can be taken away in a second, your job can be taken away in a second, I mean look at us right now during this global pandemic, people have literally lost their jobs in a second.

They are struggling not just financially but in their self-worth in who they are without their job title, if I don’t have a job to go to who am I? If I am not a ……………, then who am I?

Coming back to that statement from Dr Wayne Dyer, “Your Excitement is Who You Are”, when you read that statement, what does it do for you?  Are you getting a feeling within you that says yes that really makes sense, really resonating with you.

When something resonates with you it is like your soul saying “yes that is truth”, as when we come to earth we experience what I like to call a form of amnesia.  As we go through our journey we slowly start to remember, the knowledge and wisdom starts to surface and that is when you will feel those moments of resonation.

So if that is really resonating with you – my excitement is who I truly am – what is that? Think about in your life what gets you truly excited, what gives you that all over body tingles, when you are doing it, or thinking about it, or watching it?  What is that for you?  It is going to be very different for each person.

Dr Wayne Dyer also talked about our purpose, that search to find what it is we are here to achieve in this lifetime, he said that is put into us from the beginning.  Remember that inner essence I was talking about, it holds that music within you to be expressed, the trick is getting out of the way.

I also watched a movie with Dr Wayne Dyer called “The Shift” on YouTube, as you can see below.  In this movie he talked about the nine months from conception to birth, we just let everything go, not trying to control anything.  We don’t try to change anything, so as the baby we aren’t trying to control the colour of our eyes, or the colour of our hair or how we look, we just allow everything to happen, just growing along.

 

Then as we are born we are like okay Creator/God great job but I’ll take it from here, when he said that I was like okay yeah I get that.  We tend to try to control everything and then wonder why things are difficult, if we could just get out of the way.

If we could just allow things to be like we did in that time between conception and birth, imagine how different our life could be, because we would have that strong connection with source like we did when we were growing inside the womb.

You know we are still growing now but we are getting in the way, saying no I have a better way, what would the creator know? But you know what the Creator designed you and look at you, you are amazing, so maybe they know a thing or two.

So it is about really starting to tap into that essence that is within you, what is that essence, how would you describe it?  So if I asked you now, tell me about you, tell me about your essence, what is that essence made up of?

Now I know that may feel like we are still labeling, using labeling to describe your inner essence, but what is important here is the shift from labeling to describing.  I’m not asking you to live up to anything, to a label, but to describe what your inner essence is made up of.

Right now you may not know who that person is and that is okay, that is what our growth is about, that is what our discovery on this journey is about.

So your role is starting to be open to that, saying I am so much more than my body, I am so much more than my job, I am so much more than the physical things I have in my life, the material things I have in my life don’t mean anything.

Like I always say it is about turning inside, everything you need is within you, if you are game enough and have the courage to look. It’s not easy to do that internal work, it is so much easier to focus outside of yourself, to focus on the external.  This is who I am this is my job, this is who I am this is the house that I own, this is who I am this is what my physical body looks like.

Being a mum of course is part of my purpose, but it is not all of me and I have seen this time and time and again and was also reflected in the YouTube movie above.  As women we tend to lose ourselves in that role, we become a mum and then we can lose our true selves within that role.  All our kids know us as their mum, they don’t see past that role, past that label.

I would love you to start to think about that discovery this week, I want to leave you with a journaling question to help you:

I Get Excited When…….

who am I

A pretty simple prompt, write it at the top of the page and just allow it to flow.  Allow that creative side of you to have some air time, because we tend to shut down that side of us because we are in control mode.  If you can come out of control mode, like I said before, get out of the way, you will be amazed at the things that start to happen.

So just step out of the way, there are no rules, just see what flows, allowing it to happen.  You might be surprised at what comes out, it may be something that comes from when you were a child, I know for me when I was first listening to the podcast with Dr Wayne Dyer and he said “Your Excitement Is Who You Are”, the memory I saw was playing teacher as a kid.

Allow that to come and you might think wow that came out of left field, good, pay attention to that, write that down and then see what comes from that.  It isn’t something that has to happen in a certain time frame, just allow yourself to open up to it, and as you open up to it then the universe is going to see that and start to respond.

You will then start to see things coming into your life, signs, opportunities, confirmations and synchronicities.  Be aware and open to that, stepping out of the control mode and just getting yourself out of the way.

Who am I is a big topic and not something that will happen overnight but just being open to learning, to growing and embracing:

I am not my body – I am not my job – I am not what I own

To work with me privately you can book your session here, either online or in-person on the Gold Coast.

Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor

what is energy healing

What is Energy Healing?

What is Energy Healing?

Another great question sent in by one of our loyal listeners of “The Nurtured Empath” Podcast

 

This is a question I do get asked a lot and it is a broad topic as there are so many different types of energy healing that come under the umbrella “Energy Psychology”.

I am going to talk to you about the type of energy healing that I am trained, certified and have experience within and that is EFT-Tapping.

what is energy healing

EFT or Emotional Freedom Techniques and also well known as Tapping as we tap on the upper body and face.  It is quite self-explanatory, it is giving you freedom from your emotional disharmony.

As I mentioned it is commonly referred to as tapping because we do a gentle tapping or percussion of the fingertips on the skin.  It is also described as a form of psychological acupressure, if you have ever had acupuncture, it is like that but without the needles.

It is tapping on the specific meridians on the upper body and face whilst you think about a problem you are experiencing.  What we have found with the combination of the tapping and the voicing of what is going on for you is a clearing of the short in the energy circuit, or better described as clearing out the emotional energy block.

Helping your mind and body to restore its balance, which helps you to gain and maintain optimal health.

Everything here on earth is made up of energy including us, so all that is within us is energy, and if you have blocks within your energy field it is going to have an impact on you in mind, body and spirit.

Energy healing and specifically what I do – EFT-Tapping – it really helps to release those blocks, allowing them to find their way out.  Because if you continue to hold these blocks within your system, it is not just going to affect your energetic system it is going to start to affect you on a physical level as well.

What I have learned and noticed through my training, the healing I have done on myself but also my clients is there always seems to be an emotional component to any physical issue or chronic disease.

It has come from something and stress is a very big indicator with that, and what we have found with EFT-Tapping is that it lowers the stress hormone – cortisol.  Tapping really helps you to return to a calm and relaxed state, instead of staying within a stressed and anxious state.

If you think about a time where you have been through a really rough time,  you are in a very heightened stressed state and it can be hard to come back to the beautiful calm and relaxed state due to what you have experienced.

what is energy healing

What I have found with energy healing and EFT is that it is just such a simple thing that you can do, it is essentially right at the end of your fingers, you don’t need to go and grab anything it is right there.  You can just start tapping on the upper body and face and start to release out some of that anxiety and stress, so you are not carrying that around with you for a long period of time.

Energy healing really is a tool to ensure you are not continuing to carry around heavy energy that is only doing you a disservice, mentally, physically and emotionally.

In a previous article and podcast episode I talked about the energetic body vs the emotional body vs the physical body and energy healing and EFT-tapping is really going to help you to support each of those bodies individually and holistically.

Our body is very wise and very good at healing things for us including chronic disease, if we allow it to get into the right environment to be able to do that and heal itself.

The problem with that is, if we are carrying around high levels of stress, high levels of trauma from past experiences in our body then it can’t heal itself.  It just doesn’t have that capacity, because it has all those blocks sitting in its system, so it needs us to help it and that is where energy healing and EFT-tapping comes in.

Now as an energy healer and certified EFT Practitioner I am working in this area each and every day, both on myself and with my clients.  Guiding my clients to release experiences of the past that are holding them back, gently of course.

On top of that EFT-Tapping empowers you to take back your life.  Obviously for the deeper wounds and traumas it is important that you are working with me in private session, as I will guide you and keep you safe.  But for day to day experiences, such as anxiety, stress, overall emotions that you encounter, EFT-tapping will help to keep you in a calm state despite what is going on around and outside of you.

A question I get asked a lot especially from my private clients is always “but what if I don’t know the words”, the good thing is, if you are in that emotion already, you are feeling sad or angry, stressed or anxious.  You are already in it, so you don’t need the words, just start tapping and you will start to notice the emotion dissipate and bring you back to a state of calm.

If you haven’t done tapping before, I have done a short video as an introduction to tapping for you to check out.

 

You can also book in with me for a private session either online worldwide or if you are local to the Gold Coast, Australia I also offer in-home sessions.

Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor

 

 

 

how long does healing take

How Long Does Healing Take?

How Long Does Healing Take?

 

Thank you to one of my listeners of The Nurtured Empath Podcast for sending in this question.

 

A very popular question that I get asked a lot, so I know there are many of you that have wondered about this at one time or another.

First thing I am going to say is “how long is a piece of string”.  What I really want you to take away from this article is it is very different for each person, but also flip that around and instead of putting a time line on how long healing is going to take understand it is a lifetime process.

how long does healing take

Healing is a Life Long Process

If you can take that approach that coming to Earth at this time, or at anytime, is about growth, it’s about lessons and it’s about healing.  If you can have that perspective you are not always going to be looking and asking where is the finish line, how long till I’m fixed, how long till I’m healed?

Honestly you are not someone that needs to be fixed, there may be things in your life that you have experienced that are now causing certain patterns to be appearing but it doesn’t mean that you are broken.  It just means that you are carrying around some heavy stuff and it is weighing you down.

It is about taking that time for yourself to start to heal.  I was talking to one of my clients just the other day, because this is a question I get a lot in client sessions as well.  When am I going to be fixed, when is this going to be over?  I have to break the news to them that this is never going to be over and the look on their face is like I just took away their favourite puppy dog.

But it is the truth, healing is an ongoing process, we are always going to be healing.  Even for me I am continually healing each and every day, I am journaling each and every day, I am tapping each and every day.

how long does healing take

Obviously when we start on our healing journey it is a little bit heavier, a little bit more work to be done because we are bringing up things from the past, traumas from the past that we have been carrying around for so long and that can be some heavy and deep work that we need to be doing.

As we are moving forward we don’t want anything that is happening in the present to then be something we need to heal down the track.  So that is what I mean when I say this is a lifetime process of healing and if you can take this approach, you are never going to get to that place again where you have been carrying around all the heaviness because you would of been doing it all along.

I feel that is important to understand why I say it is a lifelong process, so no I can’t tell you an exact timeline for your healing to be done.  It is very different for different people, some clients come to me and are just ready to heal everything, they are done carrying it around and are just ready to finally let it all go.

That takes time, some have been working with me on a weekly basis for over 12 months, they have experienced heavy traumas and we are working on them one by one, layer by layer.  Some clients just stay with me because they love their weekly session, knowing they have an hour that is just for them, no other demands on their time, this is their time.

It is important for you to determine what is it you are looking for, what is it you are wanting to heal?  As I mentioned I have clients that come to me and want to heal everything and then there are some clients that are like there is just this one event that keeps popping up and I just really want to stop thinking about it, or they want to forgive someone or forgive themselves.

They come for a couple of sessions and we heal that event and then they are on their way, but what I notice with these clients as well is they tend to come back.  They heal that one event and are good for about 6 months to a year and then they will reach out to me again and say I need to book in, I have another event surfacing that I would like to heal.

So it depends on the person and what it is that is happening in their life, where they are at and what it is they really want to achieve.  As how long their healing takes and the time that they are working with me 1-1.

As I mentioned in the beginning of this article, one thing I really want you to take from this is, healing is a lifelong process.  It is not always deep heavy stuff, if you are healing on a regular basis, every day.  You are not going to come 10 years down the track and find you have this heavy load you have been carrying around and needs deep and heavy healing.

Take the approach I am going to heal each and every day, I am going to take care of myself in the ways that I know are going to help me (however that looks for you).  As I mentioned I am journaling, tapping (EFT) and meditating everyday and that helps me to heal anything in the present whilst I’m also healing things from the past as they surface from my subconscious mind.

To answer your question “how long does healing take?”  It is a lifelong process but of course we can chunk that down into little bits, healing different events at different times to really help you to start to feel lighter, to feel more relaxed, to feel calmer and to start to achieve things in your life that you truly desire and deserve.

If you have any questions you would like answered, certainly let me know, you can comment below or send me an email.


To work with me privately and start on your healing journey, you can book your online session here.

Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor