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Helicopter Parenting

Helicopter Parenting – Yes or No?

Have you ever been accused of being a Helicopter Parent?

Helicopter Parenting

With my hand up high in the air, way too many times to count.  From when my kids were in their first year of school and I would walk them to their class room to now been abreast of all the issues my girls experience in their day to day life as teenagers.

I had an experience this past week at my daughter’s school, she had been experiencing some nastiness with one of the girls in her friend group and this particular girl had said some derogatory things about her sister.  To give you some context my two girls, both teenagers, get on like a house on fire, rare I know.  I put it down to the fact that they have both had life threatening medical emergencies and have had to see each other endure things, no two sisters should ever 1. have to endure 2. have to watch their sister endure.

So back to the events of this past week, my daughter stood up for her sister against what her friend was saying and this saw rumours being spread through the school about both of my girls, so I sent an email to the year co-ordinator.  Which was then passed onto the guidance counsellor, I was quite happy with how the school was handling it and felt mediation was the right way to go in this situation.

“Was Happy” being the operative words here, until my daughter reported that she was told to stop telling me what is happening at school and to deal with it herself.  Comments like “we don’t need your mum emailing us”, as I am sure you can imagine I saw red.  I felt gobsmacked, outraged and disappointed all at once, not just as a mum but as a professional counsellor myself this behaviour was unacceptable.

So what do I do?  Do I call this guidance counsellor and have a calm conversation, do I report her to the professional registration body or do I leave it alone?

As my daughter is 16 I gave her the option of what she would like to see happen, her decision was to just leave it alone.  The relationship I have built with my girls is built on mutual respect, so if they ask me not to step in on their behalf I honour that request.  What I did do though was ensure both of my daughters understand their father and I will always have their back and they can come to us with anything.

I certainly understand the importance of our children building independence and resilience, which both of my girls have, but they also need to be able to have open communication with their parents and feel safe to tell us the good and the bad.  I still feel quite appalled that a person in a professional capacity is telling a teenager not to communicate with their mum.

This pains me for two reasons, 1. Teenage suicide rate is increasing and one of the main things the parents say afterwards is “I had no idea they were struggling”.  2. Not all children have the strength that my daughter has to tell their parents the things that are happening at school.

So, back to the “Helicopter Parenting”, am I a helicopter parent?  Maybe, but I don’t see it that way I see it as been involved in my children’s lives, knowing what is going on so that I can empower them with the tools to cope with whatever comes at them.

As a side note, I do have to be more involved in my eldest daughters life due to her Epilepsy, as emotional distress does cause her seizures.

My advice to you is, if you have ever been called a “Helicopter Parent” then I take my hat off to you because clearly you are involved in your children’s lives and also like me giving them the tools they need to become an empowered, educated and encouraged adult.

Parenting is never an easy job, yet the most fulfilling.  If you are struggling in your most important role, I would love to support you to gain an understanding of what you are experiencing and the best way forward.  Asking for help is never easy, I will give you a safe space to explore your struggles with respect and understanding.  Book your session here.

Friendships

How To Help Nurture Your Child’s Friendships

How many times have you heard from your child “We are not friends anymore”?

I know for me I have heard that more times than I can count from my two girls and there has been times where I have just said “don’t worry I am sure you will be friends again tomorrow”, majority of the time this works out to be the case but sometimes it can be the start of something bigger.

I am going to start with asking you a question that might be a little difficult, “What happens within you when your child tells you about their friend problems?”  This is a tell tale sign of actually what needs to be dealt with first.  For example if you get a gut wrenching feeling or feel pain in your heart, this is your subconscious reminding you of a similar time when you were younger having trouble with your friends.

I know for me prior to working on my own issues from childhood with EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) I would be triggered every time one of my girls had problems with their friends at school.  If they cried, I would cry, if they were anxious, I would be anxious, but clearly that wasn’t any help to them and what they were experiencing.

Working on yourself first can have a profound affect on your child as well, also putting you in a better space to support them through what they are currently experiencing.  Seeing yourself as Switzerland, a place of neutrality is a great place to operate from when it comes to helping your child.  Neutrality gives you great insight and the space to be objective in any situation that presents itself, both in your own personal experience and experiences with your children that present themselves.

As parents it can be our first reaction to jump to conclusions that may be flawed due to the lack of information we are been provided with, obviously we want to believe everything our child is telling us and that their version of events is the complete truth.  A good thing to remember is each person has their version of events and the truth lies somewhere in the middle.

A process that I find works very well is to sit with your child and ask them to share with you exactly what happened, who said what and then help them to think about why their friend may have said different things and how they may have contributed to the situation.  I find helping your child to gain an understanding and awareness around another persons behaviour is a big step forward in them healing from the experience.

Another great way I find to help my girls is using EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) or Tapping to process what they are feeling and release the experience from their energy field, unprocessed feelings and experiences can go on to cause other problems further on in your child’s life.   Check out Episode 1 of Empowering Kids TV to learn more about how you can use EFT with your child.

Supporting your child from home can make all the difference in the interactions they have with their friends and the confidence they portray in themselves and their social interaction skills.  As a Professional Family Counsellor I work with Families to help them to empower, educate and encourage each child to be their true authentic self, building each child’s confidence and social skills is just a small part of that.

If you are noticing your child is struggling with their social skills or friendship issues, reach out and I can support both you and your child to more fruitful friendships.

Successful Parent

What Makes a Successful Parent?

Success = The accomplishment of an aim or purpose

If we follow this definition of success then being a successful parent is going to look different for each person as we all have our own purpose.

What is your purpose?

When you thought about becoming a parent, what were the values you thought would be important in your role as a parent and how do they compare to the reality?

In today’s world of social media we can easily fall into the trap of comparison, seeing how other parents are living their lives can give you a feeling of insecurity.  Reminding yourself of your values as a parent can help to bring you back to who you are and what it is you want to achieve as a parent.

As parents we are continually worried that we may not have all the answers and the way we are raising our kids may be causing them damage.  However, what is important to remember is that you have everything you need within you to be a successful parent.

Let’s look at the traits within you that support you in becoming a successful parent:

  1. Be Yourself
  2. Trust Yourself
  3. Use your Intuition
  4. Respect each child’s uniqueness
  5. Gain knowledge

Coming back to who you are and trust in that will allow you to become the best parent you can be.  There is no other person on this earth that can be a better parent to your child, your child chose you as their parent for a reason.

Trust in your abilities and this will reflect in how you raise your child and yourself in the process.  When I look back over my parenting journey of 16 years, I can see how different my children are as they have grown into young ladies but I can also see a vast difference in my own growth and the growth of my husband.

We are all in this together, trust yourself first and then ask for support as you need it.  Together we will raise enlightened children.

Written by Nicole Ivens

Nicole Ivens is an experienced Professional Counsellor  and EFT Coach.

Nicole supports parents to empower, educate and encourage their children to be their true authentic self.

Learn more about Nicole http://www.nicoleivens.com/about

Intuitive Parent

Are you an Intuitive Parent?

In our role as a parent there is never a lack of information been thrown our way, sometimes in ways that we certainly don’t appreciate.

If you are like me this flow of information from when your kids are babies right though to teenagers can be extremely overwhelming.

How do you know what is right for your children?

Each child is unique and has different needs, even within the same family each child is unique.  Have you noticed how different each of your children are?  I know I have, our two girls are very opposite in their personality traits.  My husband and I always talk about how amazing it is, that two children from the same parents can be so different.

So in saying that you need to ask yourself the question, “If all of my children are unique in their own special way, and they have traits from their mum and dad, who would be the most qualified to know what they need?

You are the most qualified person in knowing what your child needs

That is your first step in becoming an empowered intuitive parent, accepting and having an awareness of your strength and unique insight into your child and their needs.

There are always going to be people giving you advice on what it is you should be doing for your child, your job is to appreciate this advice but never submit someone elses’ advice or judgement for your own.  You know best!

Intuitive Parenting is having a trust within yourself to raise your children according to your values and the uniqueness of each child.

Each of us have a higher power to connect in with to support us within this role, that higher power is different for each person.  For me I connect in with my Angels and my Higher Self to help me in what I need to do to support my children.

Becoming an intuitive parent does take time and practice, as for so long you may have been relying on other people to know the right thing to do, be that family and friends or professionals.

5 Steps to becoming an intuitive parent

  1. Trust – starting to trust in yourself and the guidance you are receiving
  2. Messages – How do you receive your signs?  Gut feeling, thought, music, numbers
  3. Tune into your intuition before asking for advice from others
  4. Be an advocate for your children.  People in positions of power are not always right – stand your ground
  5. Each of your children are different and may require different parenting strategies

The difference in your children once you are able to raise them as an intuitive parent will be something you have never experienced.  They will feel heard and really understood and that is a human need for us all, feeling connected.

Need Support?  www.nicoleivens.com/workwithnicole