Home » The Nurtured Empath Blog

Category: The Nurtured Empath Blog

Balanced Friendships

Balanced Friendships as an Empath

Do you know what balanced friendships look like?

 

As empaths we are naturally caring and giving, always wanting the best for those around us and of course we can feel when that is not the case.  We tend to leap into action doing what we can to help and support that person to feel better, because as they feel better we feel better too.

What happens in the aftermath is a clear indication of the health and balance of the friendship, once they are feeling back to their old self and the issue is solved, what actions do they then take?

In balanced friendships there will be gratitude for the support you have provided, there will be no silence or ghosting, there will be no lack of contact until the next time you are needed.  Most importantly when you are in need of support, they will be right there holding you up in your time of need.

Balanced Friendships

 

Unfortunately empaths and highly sensitive souls have a tendency to be used in relationships and friendships because they give their everything and don’t always have that favour returned.  I know I have experienced this in my life time and time again, I would be the go to person when life got messy, I would drop everything and be there to support them through.  The storm would pass and I would be dropped like a hot potato and not hear from them again until the next storm.

I would always ask myself “why does this keep happening, I am a good person, do I not deserve to have contact with them outside of their storm?”  Of course when I started to unpack it, I could see it as a pattern within me that needed healing, my walls were down there were no boundaries to be seen, it was like open season.

As a recovering people pleaser I would always do whatever I could do to please others and of course that meant doing so much more for them and being there at the drop of a hat with no consideration for my own needs.  All that did was allow them to then also have no consideration for my needs, why would they, I sure didn’t.

I’ll be honest with you until very recently I didn’t even know what a balanced friendship looked like or felt like, thankfully I do now and do you know why I now know that and feel that?  I healed the part inside of me, my inner child who had been hurt so many times by people she thought were friends, that I finally felt deserving of a balanced friendship of someone that cares for and believes in me wholeheartedly.

I will take a shot in the dark and say this is probably your experience too, you may have been hurt by people in the past and now its hard to trust, hard to believe that having people in your corner is even a possibility.

“I am here to tell you right now, you are deserving, you are worthy and your soul-friends are just waiting for you.”

Balanced Friendships

 

The path to your soul-friends is to be open, to be very open to the people you are surrounding yourself with right now.  Disclaimer: It doesn’t mean they are bad, they are not, from your unhealed place you have welcomed in behaviour that is no longer acceptable to you.

Just because you have been friends since school or maybe it’s “but they are my family” or “its just the way they are” or “its just always been this way”.  These are all beliefs that have most likely been placed on you and they are beliefs that are keeping you from being your true self, because that true self is exhausted under the weight of carrying the burdens of others.

Wouldn’t you just love to let all that go?  Start to feel free and know that balanced and soulful connections are possible for you too.

You don’t have to be a doormat, you don’t have to be a sponge.  What if the way in which you have been allowing others to treat you is in fact not only stunting your spiritual growth but theirs as well.  As empaths we are all about helping, so what if just for a moment you could entertain the idea that there is another way to help those around you.

It is not our job to carry the burdens for others but help, teach and support them to carry it for themselves.  Now I know we have a tendency to fix, it’s a natural human desire to take pain way from our loved ones, but in pain lies growth.  I see this so much in the work that I do with my private clients, pain moves them to action so much quicker than pleasure ever does.

If you do everything in your power to take away their pain, you are interfering in their growth process, in the growth of their soul.  I envision our souls sometimes acting like Homer Simpson saying “DOH” we were so close.

So let’s look at this in the concept of balanced friendships, so of course you are going to want to be there for your friends in their times of need, it is your natural state of being but the question is “is it theirs?”.

There may be a number of reasons as to why it is not theirs, seeing the pain in others isn’t easy, being able to hold space for another in their time of need isn’t easy as I am sure you know all too well.  But for empaths we do this naturally, it is our natural state of being, but it isn’t for everyone.

The question you want to ask yourself is “if my friend is unable to hold space for me when I need it, am I okay with continuing to do it for them?”

You might be and that is 100% okay, if you are not if you have had enough, then it is time for change.  Like I said earlier in the article, it doesn’t make them bad or you bad, it is just your expectations have changed and you now require more from your friendships and that is also 100% okay.

Now of course in any friendship there are going to be up and down times, back and forth, times where you need more support and times where they need more support.  Even periods where it may feel that either you or your friend is needing more and that is okay, the important focus is if the tables were turned would it look similar?

I hope this article helps you to start to assess your friendships and gain an understanding as to whether they are balanced and above all know that you are worthy and deserving of balanced friendships with others where you feel supported and held.

I would love to hear your experience within your friendships, comment below you never know who needs to hear it.


I work with empaths and highly sensitive souls providing support, guidance and healing.  To book your online or in-person session click here.


Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor

Brain fog

How to Deal with Brain Fog as an Empath

Does it feel sometimes like your brain is sitting behind a veil?

Brain fog is real thing that many empaths suffer from, it can feel like confusion and the inability to focus.  It has also been described as a feeling of just not being here, or off with the fairies is another term that has been used to describe the feeling.

In a world where we are continuously being told to practice mindfulness and meditation, not being able to just be present in the current moment and have the ability to concentrate can be extremely frustrating.

There are three parts of us that are contributing to this ‘brain fog’, mind, heart and body.  When all three of these are working in unison, you will feel grounded, balanced and wholly here in the present moment.

What reasons could there be as to why they are not working in unison?

Each part of you has its own job and sometimes those jobs can be in conflict with each other, for example the mind has its own idea of what needs to happen but that may differ from the yearning of the heart.

The body is a place of wisdom and holds the truth and the trauma of the sum of your experiences.

So if you are connecting with just one of those areas you will start to experience an imbalance and as the other areas work to be heard it can feel overwhelming and you may feel a sense of confusion.

Most people consistently operate from their mind, leaving out the wisdom of the body and the connectedness of the heart.  This will cause your body and your heart to become louder and louder, trying different things to attain your attention.

Can you imagine three parts of you, all using different signals to grab your attention at the same time?

It is no wonder that you are experiencing brain fog, confusion and an inability to focus in the present moment.  It reminds me as a mum when all the kids are vying for my attention at the same time, can anyone say ‘save me’?

So of course we want to bring these parts of you back into unison, but first we need to look at this from the unique perspective of being an empath.

As an empath you are very connected to the energy around you but also to higher planes of consciousness as well, and this can cause you to have an out of body experience.  This in and of itself can cause your brain to feel like it has been left behind and is essentially sitting behind a veil.

You are a spiritual being having an earthly experience and let’s get real, it is not an easy experience, earth isn’t exactly an easy place to inhabit as a sensitive being.  So you may be doing what you can to escape that uncomfortableness at every chance you get, elevating to the higher planes where you feel beautiful energy that aligns with yours perfectly.

Whilst this is an amazing gift that we have, to be able to elevate our energy to these beautiful higher realms, we did choose to come to earth at this time and we do have a job to do, lessons to learn for our soul.

So we do need to learn how to exist on this plane, on earth whether it is easy or not.  I can promise you the more time your consciousness spends on this plane, earth and implementing the strategies I am going to share with you, it will become easier and you will notice your brain fog, confusion and ability to focus improve.

5 Ways to Ground Your Energy to Earth

  1. It is time to renew your oath that you made before coming to earth.  “I {insert your name} pledge to come to planet earth, to learn my soul lessons, to support my soul mate family and raise the vibration of the planet”
  2. Daily practice to bring the consciousness of higher realms to you, instead of you feeling the need to shift your consciousness to the higher realms.  Connect with nature, barefoot on the earth is a wonderful way to ground your energy to mother earth, to connect with her, to bring the support and guidance from the higher realms that you need.
  3. Golden Shower.  As empaths we tend to pick up and absorb the energies around us from both environments and people, so it is imperative that you are cleansing that energy from your aura and physical body.  The golden shower is a wonderful way to do just that, standing under the water, envision the water falling is a golden waterfall and it is cleansing all of the energy you have picked up throughout the day.
  4. Angel Mist.  An aura spray is a wonderful product to carry with you, so anytime you feel a disconnection or you have picked up energy from others, this amazing spray will cleanse you in the moment.  Giving you the opportunity to feel present and the ability to focus in the moment.  Click here to purchase your own Angel Mist Spray.
  5. Meditation.  Sitting quietly and just envisioning the white light coming in through your crown chakra, bringing in the light codes and guidance from the higher realms, allowing you to still receive exactly what you need without having to feel ungrounded, confused, lost and unable to focus in the moment.

 

 

Now of course it is wonderful to visit the higher realms and our ability to do that is such a gift and I am not saying you shouldn’t be doing that, what I am suggesting is that if it is starting to affect your day to day life, then it may be important to look at the reason why you are spending more time in the higher realms.

 

I would love to hear how this article has resonated with you and your experience as an empath.  Comment below, you never know who your experience may help.


I specialise in supporting Empaths and Highly Sensitive Souls, if you are finding it hard to cope with your sensitivity, I would love to help you.  Helping you to embrace the super power that is your sensitivity and knowing it is your gift and how you can use it to support yourself.  Book your session here.


Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor

 

 

How to Start Your Day

The Power of Morning Rituals

The first 20 minutes of your day are the most potent and have the biggest effect on what you experience in the hours ahead of you.

This gives you an amazing opportunity to hop in the drivers seat and decide how it is you would like your day to be.

Morning rituals are a wonderful way to get you started on setting up your morning in the best way possible to support you towards feeling and experiencing what it is you want for your day.

I just want you to think about when you wake up in the morning, do you really think about it that much or are you just on auto pilot.

Just waking up getting done what you need to get done and getting out of the house.  Or have you been able to be more mindful and really starting to notice how your morning can affect the rest of your day.

I have really noticed in my own life when I set up my morning in a certain way, it can really make a difference in my day but that can go in either direction.

If you have the habit when first waking up in the morning of grabbing your phone, ipad or laptop and whether that is going through emails or going straight on social media, you are deciding in that moment how you are going to set up your day.

When you start the day in that way sometimes it can have a really negative effect on you, because you are starting out your day externally, really looking at what is happening in the world outside of you.

This is all before your feet have even touched the ground, before you have even had a chance to connect with the energy of mother earth.  Instead of spending that sacred time turning inside, seeing what is going on for you.

To help you start to get into the habit of starting to implement a morning ritual, to set your day up in a good way and reduce the effect the external world may be having on you, I am going to share with you some different morning rituals.

Morning Rituals Morning RitualsMorning Rituals Morning Rituals

Each morning ritual is very powerful on its own, so don’t worry you don’t need to do all of them.  I would urge you to give each of them a try and really feel into which one is feeling the most supportive for you.

Personally I use all of them at different times, intuitively feeling into which one I need, depending on what is going on for me at the time.  I would also recommend you start to take note of how your day starts to flow by starting your day in these ways, instead of focusing on the external world first.

What you may start to notice is that things flow a little easier because the universe is always responding to us, so if you can imagine for a moment the vibration you are emitting when you are in a hurried state, a stressed state or an anxious state.

This is what the universe is reflecting back to you, so for example, if you are feeling hurried then the universe will provide more things to make you feel hurried.

Whereas if you are able to start your day in a more calm, relaxed, aligned state then the universe has no choice but to still respond to you, reflect back to you what it is you are emitting, so you will experience more things that allow you to feel more calm, relaxed and aligned.

I know it is not easy to always find the time in the morning, but I can guarantee you, if like me you were jumping on social media, that will save you tons of time.  I was amazed at how much more time I had in the morning for my morning rituals.  Of course I am only human so I fall back sometimes into that old habit, but it quickly reminds me when I am noticing a negative shift in my mood and as such my day.

Give these morning rituals a go, reminding yourself that you are worth it and social media and emails will wait, they will still be there waiting for you once you are ready to face the external world.

I would love to hear how these feel for you, comment below and let me know and share any rituals that you find are helpful.


I offer private holistic counselling sessions online and in-person at my Gold Coast Clinic.  To book your session, click here.


Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor