Ep116 EFT Spotlight – How to Heal Mum Guilt

In this episode on Thrive with Nicole Podcast I am going to share with you a personal story for EFT Spotlight – How to Heal Mum Guilt.

Mum guilt is common thread that connects us all, we experience it in different ways and for different reasons.  Whether you are a stay at home mum, a special needs mum or a mum who works both within the home and outside of it, you are not immune to this very common feeling.

My girls are young adults now and there have been so many times over the past 20 years of being a mum where guilt has set in, for today’s episode I want to share with you one particular experience and how I was able to use EFT Tapping to heal what I both experienced and the emotions I felt.

On 15th December 2014 my world changed and it was the day I was about to become a special needs mum unbeknown to me.  Our eldest daughter was 12 years old at the time, for those of you who have mothered a 12 year old,  you will know the fun that comes with it. 😉 I had to take our younger daughter to her fitness training, just 5 mins down the road and like many times before the 12 year old was turning it on, didn’t want to come, “I’m on holidays mum, its early, do I have to come?”.

I remember thinking to myself, she is 12 years old nearly 13, I will only be gone 10 minutes, she will be fine, she is old enough to be left alone.  So I told her to stay in the lounge room watching TV and I will be back in about 10 minutes.

On my return 10 minutes later, I came in the house and she wasn’t in the lounge room, so I was calling out to her, no answer.  I went to check her room and there she was on the floor unconscious, I was able to wake her up and asked her what happened, why was she on the floor?  Her response was one of anger, telling me she wasn’t asleep on the floor, so I got her up off the floor and sat her on her bed, that is when I noticed the bruising on her tongue.

Previous experience with my dad’s seizures told me straight away, that she had a seizure.  I quickly ran out of her room to grab the phone to call the ambulance only to hear a crash, she had fallen off the bed.  I learned later this was due to her being in what is called postictal stage (which she remained for 18 hours), most people come out within 30 mins.

The ambulance arrived and were unable to confirm my thoughts on her seizure and then again at the hospital the doctor’s also would not confirm what I knew had happened, as it wasn’t witnessed.

The door swung open and in came a massive flood of emotion - mum guilt.

EFT Tapping for Mum Guilt

I had thoughts of: I am her mother, I should of been there.  Why did I leave her?  Why is this happening?  I am the worst mother in the world.  My poor baby was having seizures and she was all alone, how could I do that to her?  The doctors aren’t believing what happened, because I wasn’t there, she was all alone.  They want to send her home because her seizure wasn’t witnessed, if only I was there, she would be receiving the treatment she needs.

I carried this guilt with me for such a long time, believing it was my fault and I failed her.  It wasn’t until three years later, after many more seizures and hospital visits and her diagnosis with epilepsy that I found EFT Tapping.  At the time I didn’t realise the heaviness of the guilt and what it was doing to me in mind, body and spirit.

It wasn’t even just about that one event, but it was the precipitating event for more guilt, every time she had a seizure, mum guilt.  Every EEG mum guilt.  Every specialist visit mum guilt.  Every hospital stay mum guilt.

Working with my EFT Coach she was able to support me in starting to heal each and every moment where I felt deep mum guilt.  We started with the precipitating event using what we call “the movie technique” where she took me through the whole event and each time an emotion would surface, we would tap until it was neutralized and then go back and tell the story all over again, tapping on each emotion until there was no longer an emotional charge when thinking about the event.

There were so many beliefs that I was holding and essentially punishing myself with and working through each one allowed me to be released from the mum guilt.  To help you understand the power of EFT Tapping I am going to take you through a round on one of my beliefs, as I know it is a very common belief for mums when something happens on your watch.

EFT Tapping Session

Belief “I should of seen it”

EFT Tapping for Mum Guilt
Side of the Hand:
 
Eventhough I have this belief “I should of seen it” I accept myself and how I feel
 
Eventhough I have this belief “I should of seen it” I accept myself and how I feel
 
Eventhough I have this belief “I should of seen it” I accept myself and how I feel
 
Round 1:
 
Eyebrow: I should of seen it
 
Side Eye: I am her mum
 
Under Eye: I should of seen it
 
Under Nose: This is my fault
 
Chin: I should of seen it
 
Collar bone: I feel so much guilt
 
Under arm: I should of seen it
 
Top Head: Guilt
 
 
Round 2:
 
Eyebrow: I should of seen it
 
Side Eye: I am her mum
 
Under Eye: I should of seen it
 
Under Nose: This is my fault
 
Chin: I should of seen it
 
Collar bone: I feel so much guilt
 
Under arm: I should of seen it
 
Top Head: Guilt
 
 
Round 3:
 
Eyebrow: I should of seen it
 
Side Eye: But her Dr didn’t
 
Under Eye: I should of seen it
 
Under Nose: But her teachers didn’t
 
Chin: I should of seen it
 
Collar bone: I’m not a medical professional
 
Under arm: I should of seen it
 
Top Head: I didn’t know what I was looking for
 
As I was tapping on this belief “I should of seen it” it helped me to start to see and understand that how could I see something I knew nothing about.
 
We learned on her Epilepsy journey that it is an ugly disease with a mind of its own and can show up in so many different ways, there are 40 different types of seizures and many different types of Epilepsy.  It turned out she has been having absence seizures since she was a little girl and I didn’t know that is what it was, I used to tell her teachers “if you are talking to her and she blinks a lot she hasn’t heard you and you will have to tell her again”.  Year after year throughout primary school I told each new teacher, not once did anyone ever mention seizures or epilepsy.
 
Tapping on this belief helped me see that I could let myself of the hook, it wasn’t my fault, if medical professionals such as her GP, speech therapists, occupational therapists, pediatricians didn’t see it, then expecting that of myself was unrealistic.

EFT Tapping has absolutely been my road to emotional freedom, as the name suggests Emotional Freedom Techniques.

xx Nicole

Learn more about EFT Tapping and try it out for yourself:
  1. Sign up and receive my Free EFT Tapping Guide that comes with three tapping scripts for overwhelm, worry and self-sabotage.
  2. Book free online consultation to learn how working with me 1-1 can help you to heal and release events and experiences you have been through in your life.  Book here

About Nicole

Nicole Ivens is a Registered Professional Holistic Counsellor, Angel Intuitive, Law of Attraction Trainer, Certified Clinical EFT Practitioner & Special Needs Mum to her daughters, one who is neurodiverse and one who suffered a critical medical event.

Nicole is very passionate about supporting special needs mums and carers, it is her soul purpose to provide a safe haven to nurture, support and uplift her beautiful clients in their role of a lifetime.

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Hi! I'm Nicole.

I am a Freelance Writer in the Holistic Wellness Space.  I share articles to support you in Mind, Body & Soul.  Covering topics such as: Self-care, energy healing, intuitive practices and emotional wellbeing.

I also work with clients privately online utilising EFT Tapping to support them on their healing journey.

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