Can you honour yourself while still looking after others?
This is a question I found myself asking over the weekend.
And as I sat with it, I realised how important this question can be for those of us who are deeply sensitive and naturally caring.
As highly sensitive women, we can tend to look outside of ourselves more than within. We notice what other people are feeling. We think about what they need. We want to help, support and make things easier for those we love.
And sometimes, without even realising it, we can put ourselves at the bottom of the list.
So I want to share a little story about how this came into my awareness.
A simple decision that made me stop and think...
I’m a mum to two adult daughters, and I’m also a full-time carer for my daughter, Gabby.
For quite some time, I had noticed that her bedroom felt cramped. The design of the room meant that the built-in wardrobe took up quite a bit of space, and because she spends a lot of time at home, I wanted her bedroom to feel comfortable and spacious.
I had already rearranged her room countless times, trying to find a setup that would work better for her.
I started thinking about whether I should buy new furniture. Perhaps some slimline furniture would give her more space.
Then another thought came to me…
What if I swapped rooms with her?
My home office was in one of the other bedrooms, and that room was actually set up much better from a space perspective. The cupboards were flush against the wall, so they didn’t take up additional room.
My immediate instinct was to think about what would be better for her.
But before making the decision, I stopped.
And I asked myself:
But is this honouring me too?
That question changed the way I looked at the whole situation.
We can become so used to putting others first...
For so many years, as a mum, a wife and a carer, I have often put other people first without really stopping to consider what I need.
It would have been very easy for me to think:
This is better for her, so let’s just do it.
But this time I paused.
I thought about her needs, but I also thought about mine.
And I think that’s an important distinction.
How many times do we automatically say yes when someone asks us to do something?
How many times do we immediately think about how we can help another person without stopping to ask:
“Is this honouring me too?”
If you’re naturally caring and sensitive, this may feel very unfamiliar at first.
But it is a behaviour.
And behaviours can change.
We don’t have to continually take a back seat, have our needs go unmet or feel as though there isn’t enough time for us simply because we’re always looking outside of ourselves.
What I discovered when I looked at my own needs...
When I really sat with the decision, I realised something quite unexpected.
Yes, moving rooms would give my daughter the space she needed.
But it could also be good for me.
My home office doesn’t need a bed or all of the additional space that her room needs. I could comfortably work from her room.
And because I’m very interested in feng shui, I also looked at the energy and positioning of the room.
The room I would be moving into was actually in a much better feng shui position for me.
Then I realised something else.
My previous office was at the front of the house, close to the kitchen and close to where my husband works from home.
This meant that recording my podcast and seeing clients often required a lot of negotiation.
I had to work around meetings, cooking, people coming home and general background noise. Sometimes I would end up recording my podcast quite late at night when everyone else was in bed.
But moving my office to the back of the house would give me something I hadn’t initially considered:
Space for me.
I could record my podcast at a better time of day.
I could potentially offer more evening appointments.
And I could have a quieter environment for my work.
Suddenly, I could see that I wasn’t giving everything of mine away in order to serve my daughter.
I could honour her needs and honour mine at the same time.
Caring for others doesn't mean abandoning yourself
This experience reminded me that caring for someone doesn’t have to mean leaving yourself behind.
There will absolutely be times when someone we love needs us.
As a carer, there are things I do that are simply about my daughter. Taking her to appointments, supporting her and helping her with things she needs are part of my role.
But that doesn’t mean every decision has to be about her.
There are also moments where I need to make sure there is space for me.
For example, there is a doctor that my daughter and I both see. There have been occasions when our appointments have lined up and we’ve gone together.
I did that once.
And I realised that I wouldn’t do it again.
Because when we’re both there, the focus naturally becomes more about her.
And that’s not fair to me when I also need that time to be about my own needs.
So now, if her appointment is one week and mine is the following week, I can have an appointment that is purely about me.
That’s honouring myself.
You deserve more than crumbs...
I think this is something many caring and sensitive people need to hear:
You deserve more than the crumbs that are left over.
If you’ve spent years putting everyone else first, you may have become accustomed to accepting whatever time, energy or attention is left for you.
I know I have.
But I’m learning to say:
“Crumbs aren’t enough for me anymore.”
I deserve more.
I deserve to honour my needs.
And I can do that while still loving, caring for and supporting the people around me.
It doesn’t have to be either/or.
Start by discovering what you actually need...
One of the most important parts of this is knowing what your needs are in the first place.
Because how can we ask other people to meet our needs if we don’t know what they are?
And how can we expect other people to know what we need if we’re not communicating those needs?
So perhaps this is something you can gently explore this week.
Ask yourself:
If I had all the time in the world, and I didn’t have to do something for this person, or that person, or anyone else… what would I do for myself?
Or:
What would I love someone else to do for me?
Don’t worry about whether the answer seems practical.
Just notice what comes up.
Maybe it’s rest.
Maybe it’s having some time alone.
Maybe it’s pursuing something you’ve put aside.
Maybe it’s asking for help.
Maybe it’s simply having someone listen to you.
Your needs matter.
And honouring yourself doesn’t mean that you care any less about other people.
It means that you are including yourself in the care.
So the next time you find yourself automatically saying yes, pause for a moment.
Take a breath.
And ask yourself:
“How can I honour myself within this situation?”
It may not always be possible to meet your needs in that exact moment.
But perhaps you can make sure there is a moment coming up soon afterwards that is just for you.
Because you matter too.
And you deserve more than crumbs.
You're allowed to honour yourself too...
Caring for others doesn’t mean putting yourself last.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, depleted, or simply longing for some time and space to reconnect with yourself, you don’t have to navigate it alone.
My counselling sessions offer a safe, supportive space for you to slow down, be heard, and come back to yourself.
🌿 Ready to create some time and space for you?
