How many times have you heard from your child “We are not friends anymore”?
I know for me I have heard that more times than I can count from my two girls and there has been times where I have just said “don’t worry I am sure you will be friends again tomorrow”, majority of the time this works out to be the case but sometimes it can be the start of something bigger.
I am going to start with asking you a question that might be a little difficult, “What happens within you when your child tells you about their friend problems?” This is a tell tale sign of actually what needs to be dealt with first. For example if you get a gut wrenching feeling or feel pain in your heart, this is your subconscious reminding you of a similar time when you were younger having trouble with your friends.
I know for me prior to working on my own issues from childhood with EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) I would be triggered every time one of my girls had problems with their friends at school. If they cried, I would cry, if they were anxious, I would be anxious, but clearly that wasn’t any help to them and what they were experiencing.
Working on yourself first can have a profound affect on your child as well, also putting you in a better space to support them through what they are currently experiencing. Seeing yourself as Switzerland, a place of neutrality is a great place to operate from when it comes to helping your child. Neutrality gives you great insight and the space to be objective in any situation that presents itself, both in your own personal experience and experiences with your children that present themselves.
As parents it can be our first reaction to jump to conclusions that may be flawed due to the lack of information we are been provided with, obviously we want to believe everything our child is telling us and that their version of events is the complete truth. A good thing to remember is each person has their version of events and the truth lies somewhere in the middle.
A process that I find works very well is to sit with your child and ask them to share with you exactly what happened, who said what and then help them to think about why their friend may have said different things and how they may have contributed to the situation. I find helping your child to gain an understanding and awareness around another persons behaviour is a big step forward in them healing from the experience.
Another great way I find to help my girls is using EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) or Tapping to process what they are feeling and release the experience from their energy field, unprocessed feelings and experiences can go on to cause other problems further on in your child’s life. Check out Episode 1 of Empowering Kids TV to learn more about how you can use EFT with your child.
Supporting your child from home can make all the difference in the interactions they have with their friends and the confidence they portray in themselves and their social interaction skills. As a Professional Family Counsellor I work with Families to help them to empower, educate and encourage each child to be their true authentic self, building each child’s confidence and social skills is just a small part of that.
If you are noticing your child is struggling with their social skills or friendship issues, reach out and I can support both you and your child to more fruitful friendships.