Is Your Independence a Trauma Response?

Something I have witnessed over the years working with my clients is the “Strong Woman” essence.  A facade that sensitive women in particular wear and present to the world to cover up what they are truly feeling below the surface.

Independence a Trauma Response

Strong women are fiercely independent not needing anyone or anything to help them, they use statements like “I can do it myself”.  It is a bit of a joke in our family here as when my husband would ask if I needed help, I would always say “No I can do it myself”.

I would see needing help as a weakness, like there was something wrong with me that I couldn’t handle it myself.  If I showed weakness that would open me up to feeling vulnerable and then essentially heartbreak.

Thinking about children, asking for help is not something they struggle with, if you are anything like me I have said to my kids “if I hear mum one more time, I’m going to change my name”.  So clearly kids are very good at getting their needs met, so when does that change?

When do we go from getting all our needs met and being okay with it, to seeing independence as strength and receiving help and support as weakness?

Experiencing trauma can cause you to do whatever you need to, to feel safe and sometimes that includes shutting yourself off, building that wall and the only person you rely on is YOU.

Telling yourself that you prefer it this way, it’s just easier to do it yourself because then there is no risk of been let down, disappointed or hurt.

This can come from all those times in your life where you were let down, disappointed and hurt by people you trusted.  It may have been a parent saying they will pick you up and then forgot, a sibling saying they will always have your back and then don’t show up, a friend that takes more than they give.

All these experiences add up to you losing trust in people and learning that the only person you can trust is yourself and in steps independence and your strong woman essence.

Whilst your independence may feel like it is protecting you from the outside world it is wearing away at the trust you also have of yourself.

Energetic body

When someone lets you down and you realise you can’t trust them, what are you equating that says about you?  That maybe you can’t trust yourself to make choices about others and who you can allow into your inner circle.

Losing trust in yourself has a massive affect on every part of your being, internal and external world.  It makes it hard to make even the easiest of decisions like what to eat.

Trust in yourself is imperative to living the life you came here to live at this time, to learn the soul lessons and fulfill both your life and soul purpose.

To start to understand more about your independence and learn whether it is a trauma response, is to ask yourself some questions:

These journaling questions are going to help you to start to know whether there is some healing needed, so you can start to trust in yourself and in others and stop living the lonely life of independence.

  • “What does independence mean to me?”
  • “Why am I so independent?”.

"You are worthy of a life that is supported by both fellow earthly souls and of course the universe and your cosmic team"

How you can work with me privately:

I offer individual private intuitive counselling and energy healing sessions online from the comfort of your home.  A place for you to feel safe to start to uncover and heal parts of you that are demanding attention.

As a highly sensitive soul you spend so much time caring for others and that leads to not much time for you, doesn’t it?

This can lead to what I have coined ‘Empathy Burnout’, you are at your maxiumum capacity to cope with life and all it throws at you.

As we work together I will support you to start to release and heal what is no longer serving you and opening up more capacity to allow you to continue to be the beautiful caring soul that you are.

If this resonates with you and you are feeling ready, click link below to get started.

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Your guide: Nicole Ivens

Hi! I'm Nicole.

I am an Intuitive Counsellor & Certified Clinical EFT Practitioner and Spiritual Teacher.  I share articles to support you in Mind, Body & Soul.  Covering topics such as: Spirituality, Healing & Empowerment.

I also work with clients privately online utilising EFT Tapping to support them on their healing journey.

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