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Give Yourself Permission To Feel

Give Yourself Permission to Feel What You Feel

Welcome back to Season 2 of the Nurtured Empath Podcast

 

So, here we are back with season two and you know thinking about what the first episode would be for season two.

What really came through to me was what I have been seeing through client sessions in the last few months, it’s really been about not been able to feel what you feel.

What I have been noticing is that a lot of people will excuse how they are feeling because, especially with what we have been experiencing over the last year 2020 they feel like there are other people out there that are worse off.

And you know what it really doesn’t matter what other people are going through. This is about you and how you are feeling and about what you are experiencing.

Now you pushing down and not expressing or processing how it is that you are feeling and what it is that you are experiencing is not helping anybody.

Not helping you and not helping the other people you’re seeing that you are feeling are going through worse things than you are.

give yourself permission to feel

You not expressing your own feelings does nothing for them, it’s not going to help them on their path at all. All it’s going to do is to cause you to feel worse because you’re not going to be expressing or processing how you are feeling.

You’re going to be putting on that mask like we pretend to do to say you know what everything is okay, I am fine. That is obviously a big statement that empaths tend to use and females especially tend to use, we use that statement of I’m fine.

I think I have mentioned this before in the previous season of this podcast. I am fine is a statement that is banned in my household because it’s not a true statement.

When someone says they are fine, majority of the time they are not fine, they are just saying I don’t want to burden you with this, so I am going to say that I am fine.

All you’re saying is I can’t feel what I feel because the person over there has got it worse than I do. All that is doing is you’re pushing it down and not processing, and what not processing does is that it fills you up on the inside. And if you are filled up in the inside then it reduces your capacity to help other people.

So, if you are seeing someone else whether they’re close to you or just someone you know going through a tough time, and you feel that what your experience is, is less compared to what they’re going through.

While you not processing what’s going on for you that means you are minimising your capacity to help them with whatever they’re going through.

So, why would you want to do that?  Why would you want to look at their situation? That is really bad so, what I’m going through that is nothing I’m not going to deal with it.  All you are doing is just reducing that space that you have within you to help them with whatever they are going through.

I know for me I wouldn’t want to do that, in my role obviously as a counsellor I have to have the capacity to help my clients.

It’s important that I always deal with my stuff and I can tell you the things I hear from my clients are one hundred times worse than what I go through.

But it doesn’t minimise what I experience, I need to be processing and expressing that for myself, so then I still have that capacity to help them and that is the same for you.

Make sure you’re always expressing your own feelings, giving yourself permission to feel.

So, then you have that space to help other people that are going through some tough times.

I hope that helps you understand the importance of giving yourself the permission to feel.

So, it’s really important for you to start to know it’s okay to feel what you feel. It’s okay to express what you feel. It’s okay to process what you feel.

“Give Yourself Permission To Feel”

Blocking that and pretending to feel okay, is not helping you to grow it’s stunting your growth, your spiritual growth.

It’s important for you to give yourself the permission to feel.

That is really the message I wanted to get across in the first episode of season two.

“It is okay to feel”

give yourself permission to feel

I really want you to go ahead and be doing that, to start to process or to express what you feel.

Journaling is a great way to do that, it’s like a brain dump, open the page and really writing about truly how you are feeling.

What’s been happening? Who is part of the story? What’s the environment it’s happening in?

Really writing all of it out, getting it out of your brain, it’s going to help you to express and process it. To see the truth of what is really going on.

Because when we leave things up in our mind, they tend to gain momentum and the story can have things added into it that aren’t necessarily true.

This will really help you to express, process and really move through whatever it is you have been experiencing.

That is my tip for you today to really start to understand what is you are feeling.  I am going to leave you with a question:

“When was the last time you really gave yourself the permission to feel what you feel?”


Nicole offers both in-person and online holistic counselling sessions, to book your session click here


Nicole Ivens | Holistic Counsellor

 

How to Boost Your Immune System

How to Boost Your Immune System

How To Boost Your Immune System

 

This is a topic and question on everyone’s mind right now on a global scale, how can I boost my immunity?  I know for me when this global pandemic started my first thoughts went to how am I going to keep my girls safe, especially my eldest who is immunocompromised.

We went through all the normal steps that were being recommended by medical experts, social distancing, personal hygiene, hand sanitizer and vitamin supplements.

As an energy healer I was very aware that there was more too it, there were other things that had the capacity to be lowering our immunity.

According to the Centre for Disease Control (CDC) there is and emotional component in 85% of all illnesses.

Stress and anxiety can have a huge impact on your physical health, especially chronic levels and during this time there is unprecedented levels of stress in people on a global scale.

To add to that is not only your own stress and anxiety, but what you as an Empath are feeling from not only those in your physical presence but the overwhelming vibration of our planet right now.

You may look at your own circumstances and feel you know what it’s okay, I am doing fine, yet still experiencing a low grade anxiety.  The issue I have noticed with that is, when it is your own stress and anxiety you can use your coping tools but when its coming from something you know nothing about, now that is challenging.

Just the awareness of the vibration that the planet is operating at right now can be a huge help to you, knowing that you may feel a low grade anxiety that is not yours helps you to cope.

Connecting in with your cosmic team and always asking the question “is this mine?” If not ask them to release it from your auric field.  Due to the high levels of anxiety right now, it is important to add this to your tool box and use it regularly.

Lets look at how stress effects your immune system:

“Since emotions run every system in the body, don’t underestimate their power to treat and heal” – Dr Candace Pert

What we think and what we tell ourselves can either support or undermine our health.  Because the immune system is so sensitive to thoughts, emotions, and subtle energies, energy healing can be an extremely useful tool in supporting wellness, fighting illness and speeding healing.


According to Neuroscientist Dr Joe Dispenza – You can read full article here

How to Boost Your Immune System

“As people begin to overcome emotional states that keep them connected to past experiences—as they break out of redundant habits and automatic programs, as well as change certain self-destructive attitudes and beliefs—aspects of their immune system up-regulate genes. This means that their thoughts and feelings are signaling cells within the body’s internal defense system to turn on healthy genes to make better proteins—otherwise known as healthy anti-bodies—as well as a host of other beneficial chemicals to balance and regulate the body. This process in turn reduces inflammation, suppresses tumors, mobilizes enzymes, and so on.

So the next time you sit down to create a better life, a healthier body, or a new experience, just remember that your brain and body have never been separate and the bridge between them is your immune system. You see, your body has always been spying on your brain. So why not use your nervous system—the greatest pharmacist ever—to activate your body’s internal army to create order for you every day? You don’t even need a prescription.”


Understanding the effect of stress on your physical body is the first step but as we all know stress is a constant in all of our lives.  So the important thing is to learn how to navigate it in your life, finding, understanding and implementing coping tools that help to reduce your stress levels.

EFT has been shown through scientific studies to have a great effect both on lowering stress levels but also the physical effects of stress on the body, including the immune system.  The following physical improvements have been recorded:

  • Lowers your blood pressure
  • Boosts your immune system
  • Reduces inflammation
  • Lowers your level of stress hormones
  • Boosts your metabolism
  • Counters aging
  • Improves your resting heart rate
  • Helps your cells fight cancer
  • Counters insulin resistance
  • Improves your neural signaling
  • Counters autoimmune disease
  • Strengthens your cell membranes
  • Reduces oxidative stress

How to Boost Your Immune System

EFT Tapping has been scientifically proven to rewire the brain to bring both the body and mind back into balance!

“The most revealing studies of the physiological aspects of EFT have examined its epigenetic effects. A population of veterans with PTSD received 10 EFT sessions. It found regulation of 6 genes associated with inflammation and immunity. A pilot study comparing an hour-long EFT session with placebo in 4 nonclinical participants found differential expression in 72 genes. These included genes associated with the suppression of cancer tumors, protection against ultraviolet radiation, regulation of type 2 diabetes insulin resistance, immunity from opportunistic infections, antiviral activity, synaptic connectivity between neurons, synthesis of both red and white blood cells, enhancement of male fertility, building white matter in the brain, metabolic regulation, neural plasticity, reinforcement of cell membranes, and the reduction of oxidative stress. The broad function of this suite of genes is similar to that found in Church et al, confirming the association of EFT with the downregulation of inflammation and stress markers and the upregulation of immune markers.”  You can read the full scientific study here

Whilst seeing the scientific studies is needed and fantastic to see, I have found both my own personal experience and those of my clients is the most powerful. Just a short three years ago I was very unwell physically after many years of chronic stress levels due to my daughters seizures.

Through the use of EFT to navigate my stress levels, I was able to not only cope with what I needed to deal with I was able to heal events, memories and words of my past that were having a large impact on my body.

I went from getting sick all the time, a new cold or infection every week to feeling well and not catching any colds or infections.  I was amazed to see the difference in how I was feeling just by healing emotionally.

“Our emotional wellbeing has a massive effect on our physical wellbeing” – Nicole Ivens


To start to learn how to navigate your stress and anxiety levels and learn the wonderful and effective technique of EFT, you can book your session here.

Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor

Independence a Trauma Response

Is Your Independence a Trauma Response?

Is Your Independence a Trauma Response?

 

Something I have witnessed over the years working with my clients is the “Strong Woman” essence.  A facade that sensitive women in particular wear and present to the world to cover up what they are truly feeling below the surface.

Independence a Trauma Response

Strong women are fiercely independent not needing anyone or anything to help them, they use statements like “I can do it myself”.  It is a bit of a joke in our family here as when my husband would ask if I needed help, I would always say “No I can do it myself”.

I would see needing help as a weakness, like there was something wrong with me that I couldn’t handle it myself.  If I showed weakness that would open me up to feeling vulnerable and then essentially heartbreak.

Thinking about children, asking for help is not something they struggle with, if you are anything like me I have said to my kids “if I hear mum one more time, I’m going to change my name”.  So clearly kids are very good at getting their needs met, so when does that change?

When do we go from getting all our needs met and being okay with it, to seeing independence as strength and receiving help and support as weakness?

Experiencing trauma can cause you to do whatever you need to, to feel safe and sometimes that includes shutting yourself off, building that wall and the only person you rely on is YOU.

Telling yourself that you prefer it this way, it’s just easier to do it yourself because then there is no risk of been let down, disappointed or hurt.

This can come from all those times in your life where you were let down, disappointed and hurt by people you trusted.  It may have been a parent saying they will pick you up and then forgot, a sibling saying they will always have your back and then don’t show up, a friend that takes more than they give.

All these experiences add up to you losing trust in people and learning that the only person you can trust is yourself and in steps independence and your strong woman essence.

Whilst your independence may feel like it is protecting you from the outside world it is wearing away at the trust you also have of yourself.

When someone lets you down and you realise you can’t trust them, what are you equating that says about you?  That maybe you can’t trust yourself to make choices about others and who you can allow into your inner circle.

Losing trust in yourself has a massive affect on every part of your being, internal and external world.  It makes it hard to make even the easiest of decisions like what to eat.

Trust in yourself is imperative to living the life you came here to live at this time, to learn the soul lessons and fulfill both your life and soul purpose.

To start to understand more about your independence and learn whether it is a trauma response, is to ask yourself “what does independence mean to me?” and “why am I so independent?”.

These journaling questions are going to help you to start to know whether there is some healing needed, so you can start to trust in yourself and in others and stop living the lonely life of independence.

“You are worthy of a life that is supported by both fellow earthly souls and of course the universe and your cosmic team”


If you are feeling ready to heal your trauma, I would love to support you as you heal and release those events, moments and words of your past.  Click here to book your session.

Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor

what is energy healing

What is Energy Healing?

What is Energy Healing?

Another great question sent in by one of our loyal listeners of “The Nurtured Empath” Podcast

 

This is a question I do get asked a lot and it is a broad topic as there are so many different types of energy healing that come under the umbrella “Energy Psychology”.

I am going to talk to you about the type of energy healing that I am trained, certified and have experience within and that is EFT-Tapping.

what is energy healing

EFT or Emotional Freedom Techniques and also well known as Tapping as we tap on the upper body and face.  It is quite self-explanatory, it is giving you freedom from your emotional disharmony.

As I mentioned it is commonly referred to as tapping because we do a gentle tapping or percussion of the fingertips on the skin.  It is also described as a form of psychological acupressure, if you have ever had acupuncture, it is like that but without the needles.

It is tapping on the specific meridians on the upper body and face whilst you think about a problem you are experiencing.  What we have found with the combination of the tapping and the voicing of what is going on for you is a clearing of the short in the energy circuit, or better described as clearing out the emotional energy block.

Helping your mind and body to restore its balance, which helps you to gain and maintain optimal health.

Everything here on earth is made up of energy including us, so all that is within us is energy, and if you have blocks within your energy field it is going to have an impact on you in mind, body and spirit.

Energy healing and specifically what I do – EFT-Tapping – it really helps to release those blocks, allowing them to find their way out.  Because if you continue to hold these blocks within your system, it is not just going to affect your energetic system it is going to start to affect you on a physical level as well.

What I have learned and noticed through my training, the healing I have done on myself but also my clients is there always seems to be an emotional component to any physical issue or chronic disease.

It has come from something and stress is a very big indicator with that, and what we have found with EFT-Tapping is that it lowers the stress hormone – cortisol.  Tapping really helps you to return to a calm and relaxed state, instead of staying within a stressed and anxious state.

If you think about a time where you have been through a really rough time,  you are in a very heightened stressed state and it can be hard to come back to the beautiful calm and relaxed state due to what you have experienced.

what is energy healing

What I have found with energy healing and EFT is that it is just such a simple thing that you can do, it is essentially right at the end of your fingers, you don’t need to go and grab anything it is right there.  You can just start tapping on the upper body and face and start to release out some of that anxiety and stress, so you are not carrying that around with you for a long period of time.

Energy healing really is a tool to ensure you are not continuing to carry around heavy energy that is only doing you a disservice, mentally, physically and emotionally.

In a previous article and podcast episode I talked about the energetic body vs the emotional body vs the physical body and energy healing and EFT-tapping is really going to help you to support each of those bodies individually and holistically.

Our body is very wise and very good at healing things for us including chronic disease, if we allow it to get into the right environment to be able to do that and heal itself.

The problem with that is, if we are carrying around high levels of stress, high levels of trauma from past experiences in our body then it can’t heal itself.  It just doesn’t have that capacity, because it has all those blocks sitting in its system, so it needs us to help it and that is where energy healing and EFT-tapping comes in.

Now as an energy healer and certified EFT Practitioner I am working in this area each and every day, both on myself and with my clients.  Guiding my clients to release experiences of the past that are holding them back, gently of course.

On top of that EFT-Tapping empowers you to take back your life.  Obviously for the deeper wounds and traumas it is important that you are working with me in private session, as I will guide you and keep you safe.  But for day to day experiences, such as anxiety, stress, overall emotions that you encounter, EFT-tapping will help to keep you in a calm state despite what is going on around and outside of you.

A question I get asked a lot especially from my private clients is always “but what if I don’t know the words”, the good thing is, if you are in that emotion already, you are feeling sad or angry, stressed or anxious.  You are already in it, so you don’t need the words, just start tapping and you will start to notice the emotion dissipate and bring you back to a state of calm.

If you haven’t done tapping before, I have done a short video as an introduction to tapping for you to check out.

 

You can also book in with me for a private session either online worldwide or if you are local to the Gold Coast, Australia I also offer in-home sessions.

Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor

 

 

 

how long does healing take

How Long Does Healing Take?

How Long Does Healing Take?

 

Thank you to one of my listeners of The Nurtured Empath Podcast for sending in this question.

 

A very popular question that I get asked a lot, so I know there are many of you that have wondered about this at one time or another.

First thing I am going to say is “how long is a piece of string”.  What I really want you to take away from this article is it is very different for each person, but also flip that around and instead of putting a time line on how long healing is going to take understand it is a lifetime process.

how long does healing take

Healing is a Life Long Process

If you can take that approach that coming to Earth at this time, or at anytime, is about growth, it’s about lessons and it’s about healing.  If you can have that perspective you are not always going to be looking and asking where is the finish line, how long till I’m fixed, how long till I’m healed?

Honestly you are not someone that needs to be fixed, there may be things in your life that you have experienced that are now causing certain patterns to be appearing but it doesn’t mean that you are broken.  It just means that you are carrying around some heavy stuff and it is weighing you down.

It is about taking that time for yourself to start to heal.  I was talking to one of my clients just the other day, because this is a question I get a lot in client sessions as well.  When am I going to be fixed, when is this going to be over?  I have to break the news to them that this is never going to be over and the look on their face is like I just took away their favourite puppy dog.

But it is the truth, healing is an ongoing process, we are always going to be healing.  Even for me I am continually healing each and every day, I am journaling each and every day, I am tapping each and every day.

how long does healing take

Obviously when we start on our healing journey it is a little bit heavier, a little bit more work to be done because we are bringing up things from the past, traumas from the past that we have been carrying around for so long and that can be some heavy and deep work that we need to be doing.

As we are moving forward we don’t want anything that is happening in the present to then be something we need to heal down the track.  So that is what I mean when I say this is a lifetime process of healing and if you can take this approach, you are never going to get to that place again where you have been carrying around all the heaviness because you would of been doing it all along.

I feel that is important to understand why I say it is a lifelong process, so no I can’t tell you an exact timeline for your healing to be done.  It is very different for different people, some clients come to me and are just ready to heal everything, they are done carrying it around and are just ready to finally let it all go.

That takes time, some have been working with me on a weekly basis for over 12 months, they have experienced heavy traumas and we are working on them one by one, layer by layer.  Some clients just stay with me because they love their weekly session, knowing they have an hour that is just for them, no other demands on their time, this is their time.

It is important for you to determine what is it you are looking for, what is it you are wanting to heal?  As I mentioned I have clients that come to me and want to heal everything and then there are some clients that are like there is just this one event that keeps popping up and I just really want to stop thinking about it, or they want to forgive someone or forgive themselves.

They come for a couple of sessions and we heal that event and then they are on their way, but what I notice with these clients as well is they tend to come back.  They heal that one event and are good for about 6 months to a year and then they will reach out to me again and say I need to book in, I have another event surfacing that I would like to heal.

So it depends on the person and what it is that is happening in their life, where they are at and what it is they really want to achieve.  As how long their healing takes and the time that they are working with me 1-1.

As I mentioned in the beginning of this article, one thing I really want you to take from this is, healing is a lifelong process.  It is not always deep heavy stuff, if you are healing on a regular basis, every day.  You are not going to come 10 years down the track and find you have this heavy load you have been carrying around and needs deep and heavy healing.

Take the approach I am going to heal each and every day, I am going to take care of myself in the ways that I know are going to help me (however that looks for you).  As I mentioned I am journaling, tapping (EFT) and meditating everyday and that helps me to heal anything in the present whilst I’m also healing things from the past as they surface from my subconscious mind.

To answer your question “how long does healing take?”  It is a lifelong process but of course we can chunk that down into little bits, healing different events at different times to really help you to start to feel lighter, to feel more relaxed, to feel calmer and to start to achieve things in your life that you truly desire and deserve.

If you have any questions you would like answered, certainly let me know, you can comment below or send me an email.


To work with me privately and start on your healing journey, you can book your online session here.

Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor

Energetic Body

Which Body is the Most Important? Energetic | Emotional | Physical

Which Body is the Most Important?

Energetic | Emotional | Physical

 

As an energy healer I spend a lot of time working on and talking about my energetic body, sharing ways to keep it clear from the energy of others.  I also focus a lot on both mine and my clients emotional bodies, healing from past experiences, releasing the emotional charge.

I’ll be honest my physical body hasn’t always been given the attention that she needs and deserves and I learned that lesson as my physical body started to break down after many years of chronic stress.

When my daughter started having seizures and was diagnosed with epilepsy, my stress levels went through the roof along with elevated cortisol levels.

Having high cortisol levels for a long period of time wreaks havoc on your physical body, 6 years on I am slowly recovering from adrenal fatigue.

So as you can see my energetic and emotional bodies had plenty of attention but my physical body did not and it showed.

There are three bodies you need to be aware of and give equal attention to:

  1. Energetic Body
  2. Emotional Body
  3. Physical Body

The energetic body can be seen as your spirit, as your aura, the first line of defence.  Your energetic body is the first one to be hit and as you start to know your energetic body so well, you will know when other energy has invaded it.

The emotional body is very closely linked with your energetic body, yet stands on its own as well.  Its about paying attention to and honouring your emotions, allowing them to flow through, to not get stuck, but to move through you.

As kids you may have been taught not to be emotional, hearing things like:

  • You are too sensitive
  • You are too overly emotional
  • We don’t talk about our feelings
  • Don’t air your dirty laundry
  • Don’t be silly
  • You want something to cry about, I’ll give you something to cry about

You know all those statements that were thrust upon us due to our sensitivity.  So it’s no wonder your may have a habit of suppressing your feelings and emotions.

As you continue to do that your emotional body will start to swell and when something starts to swell, it just gets bigger and bigger until it explodes or the tension is released.

I can promise you from personal experience when your emotional body swells, it will explode at the most inopportune time.  Sound familiar?

The physical body is affected by your energetic and emotional bodies, stuck energies and stuck emotions are going to have a negative affect on your body.  You may start to experience tension, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, adrenal fatigue, thyroid issues just to name a few.

The Body Holds The Score!

The traumas you have experienced will always be remembered by your physical body, your mind may forget but your body will always remember.

So even if you say “oh I’m fine, I’m past that, I don’t even really think about it”.  What does your body say about that?  Is it still holding the pain, the trauma and the hurt?  Is it screaming at you asking you to give it some attention?

Below the surface is information and guidance for you that is going to let you know the truth of what is truly going on.

The work I do with my clients is guiding them gently below the surface to find the truth, to find the core of what is truly happening and why.

“Leave the Surface to Find the Core”

Energetic Body

Overall well-being isn’t just about taking care of one part of you, it is taking care of all of you, of all of your bodies.

Which of these are you paying attention to? All three, just one or two or none of them. Together they are responsible for your overall well-being.


Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor

I would love to support you to start to heal what you have been carrying around, be that trauma, hurt, pain, anxiety or stress.  Click here to book your appointment.

Boundaries

How to Implement Boundaries without Changing who you are!

How to Implement Boundaries without Changing who you are!


You are not here to save anyone or anything!

This is a topic that I have noticed showing up in private sessions with my clients, a big fear for empaths is “if I put boundaries in place I will lose what I feel is me, my need to help others, how do I do that if I have boundaries?”

When I see these themes occurring I know it’s something that more than just my clients are experiencing, so felt it was an important topic to talk about.  I would love you to consider this for yourself, when you think about putting boundaries in place, what do you feel?  Do you worry about having to change who you truly are by putting boundaries in place?

Many empaths logically know that they need to put boundaries in place but on a deep core/soul level they feel a sense of obligation and even guilt to continue to be an open door to help people.

I get this completely as this was me, I was told so many times, you need to put boundaries in place and I was like nope not doing it.  I too felt that to put boundaries in place I would need to change who I was, I am a caring and kind person, I help people, with boundaries I can’t do that……Sound familiar?

I came to a place where I no longer had a choice, I could not continue to be a door mat, to have a revolving door for people.  They would come in dump everything on me and feel so much better and then walk back out my revolving door, leaving me feeling exhausted, drained and overwhelmed.

Then the next time would come, again walk in, dump, walk out and I wouldn’t hear from them again until the next time and the next time and the next time.

I had to finally put a stop to it realising I could no longer be the door mat, and have the revolving door to these people.  Whilst it was not their fault, I had allowed them to do that, always being there for them, dropping everything every time they needed me.  Putting a stop to it was important, both for me and for them, constantly fixing things for people is not doing them any favours, it was in actual fact dis-empowering them.

boundaries

An important thing to understand is, as empaths and as sensitive souls we have an innate need within us to serve others.  We are here to help people and the thought of putting in boundaries mean I won’t be able to help them anymore and then I won’t get to feel fulfilled because I can’t do the one thing that my soul craves and that is to help and serve.

For a lot of you I know that it can feel selfish and what I learned about that personally was, if I didn’t put boundaries in place I then wouldn’t be available for anybody.  As a mum to two teenage girls, my medical warriors as I like to call them as they have both been through some pretty dire medical emergencies over the years.  They are the ones that deserve my energy more than anybody else.

Being a revolving door or a door mat meant I didn’t have the energy for the people that truly deserved it.  The people that are the most important to me, not only the ones that are there for me, but the ones that continually show up, they prove themselves over and over and over again.  They are the ones that deserved my energy.

Not the people that would come and go only when they either needed me for something or needed something from me, then they would leave and I wouldn’t hear from them again till the next time.

I then learned that I could actually be more powerful and have more influence, one because my energy was higher as I was no longer being a door mat, not been the person that they would come to and I would fix it for them or save them from something.  This was a big lesson I had to learn, I am not here to save anyone or anything.

“You are not here to save anyone or anything”

I am here as a place where people can start to unload but then find the power and healer within them so they can help themselves.  So if you can go from saying I am here to help people, to save people or to fix people to I am here to empower people.  You will have so much more influence on people, the people in your life and people you don’t even know, you are going to have more power in that, more influence in that if you choose to work to empower them.

I’m not going to save them, I am not going to fix it for them, I am not going to do it for them, I am going to empower them to do it for themselves.

They are then going to be able to go on in their life been able to take care of themselves, empower themselves and be more independent.  It was a time of reminding myself by saying “Nicole remember where your power is, remember your power is within empowering them to do it for themselves, in holding the space for them to find all they need within them”.

As empaths and sensitive souls we do that very well, I am sure you have noticed in your life that people, strangers even come up and just unload, telling you their life story and usually without any prompting.  That is because that is your power,  your power to allow people to feel like you are their safe space to finally let go of what they have been carrying around.

The mistake we tend to make and I made it very early on as well, is that we don’t feel like that is enough.  How is just listening enough, I have to do something about this, and that is a human need, feeling we need to fix it and make it better.

But if we can start to understand just how powerful that is, just listening.  If you have ever had an experience where someone just listens to you, not listening to respond but really listening to hear you, focusing wholly on you, not distracted by anything else, you would know just how impactful that is.

That is the gift you give to other people, just listening, focusing on them and them only and that in itself is enough, you are enough.  You don’t have to do anything else, you don’t have to fix anything and you don’t have to have all the answers.

boundaries

I know when I first started in my Counsellor studies that was my biggest fear, that I wouldn’t know the answers, what the right advice to give would be.  The first thing my teacher said to me was “being a Counsellor is never about giving advice, we don’t give advice, we help our clients to find the answers for themselves”, boy was that a huge weight off my shoulders.

It is the same for you, you don’t need to have all the answers, you just need to listen and care and as an Empath my love, you have that in the bag.

Now within that an important point and something I really want you to understand is, the process is:

  1. You listen
  2. Allow them to release what they need to let go of
  3. You also let it go, you do not absorb it, you do not carry it

As empaths we can have a bad habit of feeling that if someone is sharing it with me then that must mean I am supposed to carry it, or I am strong enough to carry it.  No, that is not the reason, the reason is like I said before you are the safe place for them to unload, not to absorb and not to carry.

An analogy for you:  When you are going on a trip and you take your bags to the departure desk at the airport, you don’t give the bag to the customer service officer do you, you put it on the conveyor belt.  The person serving you and getting you booked in, isn’t going to then carry your bags for you, are they?  Of course not they are just the safe place for your bags to go, knowing that they are in the right place and will be boarded onto the plane.

It is the same for you when people unload, it’s not because they want you to carry it, it’s because they just need to stop carrying it themselves.  So you allow them to unload and as I said that is a huge service you are providing right there and then you allow the baggage to be on its way.

Remembering:

  • You are not fixing
  • You are not saving
  • You are not giving advice
  • You are not absorbing

You are allowing that person to feel freer, to feel lighter, to feel heard and to feel understood and that is such a powerful gift you can give to people.

Now to bring all of this back around to the idea of boundaries, you are going to see that implementing boundaries is actually two fold:

  1. We are implementing those boundaries so people don’t feel that they can walk all over us, or they can’t take up all of our time.  They need to start to respect us and respect our time.
  2. It is also a boundary for yourself, you also do not step over that line.  You hold the space for them, but you do not absorb and you do not step over that line into their energy field and try to fix or save them.

I hope you can start to see that if we do it in that way, that we are not changing who we are, we are still the same person you don’t have to be different.  You don’t have to stop being who you are or fulfilling that innate need of wanting to help people.  It is changing what helping people means, changing what serving people means.

It is changing what helping and serving people means.

What you are now doing is just holding that container, that allows people to feel safe in unloading and letting go of what is just too damn heavy to continue carrying around, emptying it into the container, you are closing the lid and then its done.

boundaries

Instead of being completely open and having no boundaries and allowing them to step over that, then feeling they are telling me this, so it must be my job to fix it.  It must be my job to save them, NO it is not!

If you continue to do that, continue to not have any boundaries, continue to be the person that fixes everything for people or having to save people all of the time.  You are actually doing them a dis-service, we are all here to have our lessons, for our soul to grow but if you are continually going out of your way to fix and save people you are removing that opportunity of growth for them.

If you can think about it in that way, that by putting these boundaries in place I am actually helping them, I am empowering them for learning and growth the boundaries will no longer feel like you are doing something wrong or being selfish.

You are not losing your ability to help people, you are helping them in a different way.

You are going to help them to grow and a great example of this is when our kids start to grow, when they are little you are leading them along their path but as they become older, teenagers and young adults its time for us to step off their path and walk along side them.

Another great way to look at boundaries from an empowered place is to look at the role of our guardian angels, if you have been with me for a while you will know that your guardian angel can not step in and help you unless you ask aka boundaries.  So if you start to see yourself as an Earth Angel just walking along side people, guiding and helping them without stepping over yours and their boundaries, you are going to be one powerful earthly being.

Put your boundaries in place, Be their Guide and watch both yours and their lights start to shine like never before.

If you are having trouble putting your boundaries in place and are noticing you are feeling guilty or selfish and left feeling exhausted, drained and overwhelmed. I can help you to heal those emotions and allow you to become that powerful earthly being.  Click here to book your appointment.


Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor

words affecting your energy

How Your Words Are Affecting Your Energy

How Your Words Are Affecting Your Energy


“With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility” – Spiderman

A quote that came to me when I started to think about the power of the word, clearly being married to a sci-fi geek for the past 20 years is finally rubbing off on me.

Words are so extremely powerful and with that does come a lot of responsibility, as the words you use determine your reality.

Whether it is the words you use when you are talking to yourself, the words you use to describe yourself or the words you use when you are communicating with others.

The words you use when talking to yourself are the most powerful, as you are the person that one you spend the most time with and two listen to the most.

The words you use to describe yourself also have such a big impact on you, if you think about the way in which you describe yourself you can either empower or dis-empower yourself.

This is where you can start to see the affect that your words have on your energy, when you are feeling empowered and confident your energy levels are high.  But when you are feeling dis-empowered due to the words you are using, your energy is going to be low.

I always remember been told as a young mum of two girls that I am their biggest influence as the same sex parent, the way in which I describe myself to them can have a huge affect on how they then see themselves.

For example, say I say something like “I look fat today”, they can then internalise that and think if mum thinks she is fat, maybe I am too.

This really leads into the power of the word when you are also communicating with others, you have an affect on those around you, even if you are not aware of it.  I know for me my kids don’t seem to be listening for the most part, teenage girls for you.  But there will be times where I hear my words coming out of their mouth, so clearly they are listening.

I feel this is very well demonstrated in our current issues in schools around bullying, for the most part for our kids, it is the words that are being said as opposed to physical bullying.  All you have to do is look at the rate of teen/kid suicide from being bullied at school and online, again the power of the word.

The old saying goes:

“Sticks and Stones may break my Bones but Words will never Hurt me”

Boy is that all kinds of wrong, the emotional trauma that comes from the words used against you, words used to describe you and words used to hurt you is so so damaging.

Emotional wounds take so long to heal and unfortunately are not given enough attention in today’s world, if you are emotional you are seen as weak, if you are sensitive, you are seen as weak.

We need to start to give our words more attention, to really understand their power, their influence and their affect not just on us but on those that we interact with.

A great way to start to connect in more with your words is to allow them to move through the following pathways:

words affecting your energy

Making this a habit is going to help you so much to spend more time feeling empowered and influential, using your words for good.  Knowing you have the power to decide how it is you want to feel and how it is you want to make others feel when they are in your presence.  Because not only will the use of your words make a difference, your energy level will be different and those around you will feel it.


It is my honour to hold a safe space for you as you discover, heal and release your past and move towards a place of happiness, peace and serenity.

Together we will:

Unlock the Healer Within, Heal Past Traumas, Understand your Gift and Strengths as an Empath, Heighten your Self-Worth and Self-Confidence, Uncover the Culprit behind your Patterns, Uncover and Release Limiting Beliefs, and Create space for your dreams to manifest

Click here to book your appointment

Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor

Which Moon Phase is Your Friend?

Which Moon Phase is Your Friend?

Contrary to popular belief the full moon phase is my friend.

I am sure you have heard all the bad things about the full moon phase, like all the crazies are out or it is hard to sleep during the full moon phase.  Whilst I am sure these things are true, they just aren’t true for me.

Would you like to know how I found this out?

I remember before I really knew much about the moon phases or cycles, it was all about the full moon and believing the hype about it and what other people had experienced.

So what happens when you take on the beliefs of other people?  You start to see that happening in your life too, because your brain is very good at always proving to you that you are right, that what you believe is true.

So yes you would of seen some crazy people about or you would have had trouble sleeping.  Why?  Because that is what you believed.

But what if you could actually truly learn about each of the moon phases from an individual stand point, not what other people have told you, not what popular belief is but what you truly experience through each moon phase or cycle.

This is exactly what I did, I could no longer fool myself into believing what I was been told I should feel or experience.  So I went to work and charted out the moon cycles for 30 days and paying very close attention to my thoughts, feelings, experiences, energy levels and moods.

Moon Phase

Each day I would journal about how I was feeling, what I was experiencing both internally and externally and I used a system to indicate my energy levels.  So for low energy medium energy and for high energy.  I also noted what moon phase or cycle we were in, this gave me a good indication of which moon cycles were my friend and which were not.

Once I learned what was good for me and what wasn’t I was then able to plan my schedule around it.  For example I learned I am super energised on the full moon, very creative and can get so much done and yes I sleep very well.

Whereas on the Gibbous moon cycle, this one is not my friend, I would feel exhausted, low mood, low energy, low everything, so this was my time of rest where I would lay low.

So as you can see if I went on the popular belief on each moon cycle I wouldn’t be doing myself any justice, trying to do things at the wrong times and wondering why I wasn’t getting anywhere.

I challenge you to do the same, get yourself a book and chart out the moon cycles for the month and just start to see the pattern and gain a deeper understanding of the moon cycles as they apply to you and your energy.

Have a listen to the podcast episode where I briefly share with you each of the moon cycles.

 

I can promise you it will start to make a big difference in your life and help you to start to understand your own cycle too.


Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor

If you need extra support in understanding the moon cycles and how they apply to you, book a free call with Nicole.  You can book in here.

The Three Ingredients you need to let go

The Three Ingredients You Need to Let Go

The Three Ingredients You Need to Let Go

The three ingredients you need to let go

I am sure you have been told time and time again “you just need to let go”, I know I have heard those words more times than I care to count.

It may also have been worded in such a way that made you feel there was something wrong with you, like “you need to get over it” or “build a bridge” is another one I have heard.

Now if you are anything like me you may have been left feeling unheard, misunderstood and maybe even a nuisance to those around you.

I am here to tell you with the assistance of Archangel Azrael, there is a process to letting go and there are certain things that need to happen before you can “just let go”.

Archangel Azrael

On the podcast alongside the three ingredients you need to let go, the difference between walking away and letting go, I also share my very own personal experience of letting go of a 20 year relationship. Click below to listen.

 

Let’s talk about the three ingredients that you need to let go:

1.Heal 2.Grow 3.Let Go

So as you can see the process of letting go isn’t as easy or simple as people in your life and influence may have made out.

To ever have a hope of letting go of something that has caused you pain in some shape or form, you need to take the time to heal.

If you think about a physical injury, one that can be seen by the naked eye, are you ever told to get over it or let it go?  Of course not, because they can see the pain.

Emotional pain like chronic pain and invisible illnesses that can’t be seen by the naked eye, it can cause people to want you to just move on.

Now the kicker here is something that I really want you to understand, this isn’t about you.  This is about them and the uncomfortable feeling they are experiencing in not being able to soothe your hurt, to make you feel better to heal you.

So now you understand that part is not about you, lets chat about the part that is……the healing is your part, your responsibility.  Its giving yourself the time to heal, to work through the pain you have experienced and able to integrate it into your experience, where it no longer causes you pain in the present.

Note: This isn’t about letting anyone but yourself off the hook.

Through this process of healing you won’t have a choice but to grow, as you heal from the experience you are going to grow, you are going to learn things about yourself that you didn’t know before – aka growth.

One of the biggest parts of being on Earth at this time is for your soul to learn lessons and for the most part unfortunately those lessons come with pain.  Your role is to move through the experience, heal what you went through, take the lesson and then yes then and only then are you ready to let go.

These three ingredients are your key to starting to let go of things, people and experiences that have caused you pain and are still carrying it around.  Pain is heavy, whether that is physical or emotional, it is exhausting.

If you are ready to heal, grow and let go then its time for you to book your free call.  You can book it right here and I will share with you how I can support you as you start on your healing journey and let go of all of that pain that is weighing you down and leaving you feeling exhausted.


Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor