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Empaths and Trauma

Have all Empaths Experienced Trauma?

Have All Empaths Experienced Trauma?

“All Empaths Have Suffered Childhood Trauma or Have They?”

In the Empath community there is a lot of talk and even debate about this blanket statement, I have heard many Empath Coaches state that all empaths have suffered childhood trauma and that is why they are empaths.

You only have to look at the comments in these communities to see that that this isn’t necessarily the whole truth.  I know from my own personal experience that it isn’t true for me, I didn’t suffer from major childhood trauma, yet I am an Empath and always have been.

So, what is your view or opinion on this?  Do you feel your gift as an Empath came first or did you experience childhood trauma and that caused you to now have the traits of an Empath?

For me my experience and personal view and guidance on this topic is that I was given this amazing gift as an Empath from God.  I didn’t suffer any major traumatic experiences as a child, but I do feel my gift of being an empath did make me more susceptible to trauma.

I was talking to my brother just the other day about this, I am 1 of 5 children, the middle child, yes middle child syndrome.  I have two younger brothers and two older sisters and as we spoke about our childhood, I noticed how he interpreted certain experiences very different to me.

I started to notice that even though we grew up in the same house with the same parents and had similar experiences, we interpreted them very differently.  It wasn’t like there was anything bad, it could of been something simple like the way in which our dad might look at me and that could be traumatizing to me due to my sensitivity as an empath.

Where as that could happen to my brother and he wouldn’t even notice, it didn’t affect him in any way at all, he would just brush it off.  So as you can see it was not the trauma that caused me to be sensitive, but my sensitivity that caused me to experience certain events, actions, words, energy as a traumatic event.

Let me be very frank here, I am not saying that you may not have experienced trauma, many of my clients have, unspeakable acts of trauma that no person should ever experience.  This is just what I have experienced personally and noticed within the empath community.

Trauma is definitely something I see amongst the majority of my clients and 95% of my clients are Empaths, some have experienced as I mentioned unspeakable acts against them, but there are also those that just like me were traumatised due to their sensitive nature.

Either way there is a way home, back to your true self, to heal and release the hurt, pain and trauma.  You don’t have to keep carrying around that heavy weight, that burden is not yours to carry.


To begin on your healing journey, I am here for you, to be your companion walking along side you as you start to heal and release your trauma.  Book your online appointment here.

Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor

Which Moon Phase is Your Friend?

Which Moon Phase is Your Friend?

Contrary to popular belief the full moon phase is my friend.

I am sure you have heard all the bad things about the full moon phase, like all the crazies are out or it is hard to sleep during the full moon phase.  Whilst I am sure these things are true, they just aren’t true for me.

Would you like to know how I found this out?

I remember before I really knew much about the moon phases or cycles, it was all about the full moon and believing the hype about it and what other people had experienced.

So what happens when you take on the beliefs of other people?  You start to see that happening in your life too, because your brain is very good at always proving to you that you are right, that what you believe is true.

So yes you would of seen some crazy people about or you would have had trouble sleeping.  Why?  Because that is what you believed.

But what if you could actually truly learn about each of the moon phases from an individual stand point, not what other people have told you, not what popular belief is but what you truly experience through each moon phase or cycle.

This is exactly what I did, I could no longer fool myself into believing what I was been told I should feel or experience.  So I went to work and charted out the moon cycles for 30 days and paying very close attention to my thoughts, feelings, experiences, energy levels and moods.

Moon Phase

Each day I would journal about how I was feeling, what I was experiencing both internally and externally and I used a system to indicate my energy levels.  So for low energy medium energy and for high energy.  I also noted what moon phase or cycle we were in, this gave me a good indication of which moon cycles were my friend and which were not.

Once I learned what was good for me and what wasn’t I was then able to plan my schedule around it.  For example I learned I am super energised on the full moon, very creative and can get so much done and yes I sleep very well.

Whereas on the Gibbous moon cycle, this one is not my friend, I would feel exhausted, low mood, low energy, low everything, so this was my time of rest where I would lay low.

So as you can see if I went on the popular belief on each moon cycle I wouldn’t be doing myself any justice, trying to do things at the wrong times and wondering why I wasn’t getting anywhere.

I challenge you to do the same, get yourself a book and chart out the moon cycles for the month and just start to see the pattern and gain a deeper understanding of the moon cycles as they apply to you and your energy.

Have a listen to the podcast episode where I briefly share with you each of the moon cycles.

 

I can promise you it will start to make a big difference in your life and help you to start to understand your own cycle too.


Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor

If you need extra support in understanding the moon cycles and how they apply to you, book a free call with Nicole.  You can book in here.

The Three Ingredients you need to let go

The Three Ingredients You Need to Let Go

The Three Ingredients You Need to Let Go

The three ingredients you need to let go

I am sure you have been told time and time again “you just need to let go”, I know I have heard those words more times than I care to count.

It may also have been worded in such a way that made you feel there was something wrong with you, like “you need to get over it” or “build a bridge” is another one I have heard.

Now if you are anything like me you may have been left feeling unheard, misunderstood and maybe even a nuisance to those around you.

I am here to tell you with the assistance of Archangel Azrael, there is a process to letting go and there are certain things that need to happen before you can “just let go”.

Archangel Azrael

On the podcast alongside the three ingredients you need to let go, the difference between walking away and letting go, I also share my very own personal experience of letting go of a 20 year relationship. Click below to listen.

 

Let’s talk about the three ingredients that you need to let go:

1.Heal 2.Grow 3.Let Go

So as you can see the process of letting go isn’t as easy or simple as people in your life and influence may have made out.

To ever have a hope of letting go of something that has caused you pain in some shape or form, you need to take the time to heal.

If you think about a physical injury, one that can be seen by the naked eye, are you ever told to get over it or let it go?  Of course not, because they can see the pain.

Emotional pain like chronic pain and invisible illnesses that can’t be seen by the naked eye, it can cause people to want you to just move on.

Now the kicker here is something that I really want you to understand, this isn’t about you.  This is about them and the uncomfortable feeling they are experiencing in not being able to soothe your hurt, to make you feel better to heal you.

So now you understand that part is not about you, lets chat about the part that is……the healing is your part, your responsibility.  Its giving yourself the time to heal, to work through the pain you have experienced and able to integrate it into your experience, where it no longer causes you pain in the present.

Note: This isn’t about letting anyone but yourself off the hook.

Through this process of healing you won’t have a choice but to grow, as you heal from the experience you are going to grow, you are going to learn things about yourself that you didn’t know before – aka growth.

One of the biggest parts of being on Earth at this time is for your soul to learn lessons and for the most part unfortunately those lessons come with pain.  Your role is to move through the experience, heal what you went through, take the lesson and then yes then and only then are you ready to let go.

These three ingredients are your key to starting to let go of things, people and experiences that have caused you pain and are still carrying it around.  Pain is heavy, whether that is physical or emotional, it is exhausting.

If you are ready to heal, grow and let go then its time for you to book your free call.  You can book it right here and I will share with you how I can support you as you start on your healing journey and let go of all of that pain that is weighing you down and leaving you feeling exhausted.


Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor

how to help your sensitive child

How to help your Sensitive Child

How to help your Sensitive Child

 

Looking at this image can you pick or feel the energy of the child that is more sensitive than the others?

Let’s break it down, the older child on the left is exuding confidence and the youngest feels like she has a real mischievous spirit and the middle child she is the beautiful sensitive soul not really sure what she is feeling, or why this is uncomfortable for her.

 

As a sensitive soul yourself it is very likely that one or more of your children are highly sensitive or even an empath.  For me I have two girls, one is a highly sensitive soul and the other one is an empath, no surprises there.  So it has been challenging to raise them in such a way that their sensitivity isn’t something that they feel is wrong with them, but instead a powerful part of their spirit.

So I felt guided to share with you some ways how you can help your sensitive child:

  • Understanding

Starting to understand your child is the first step, becoming an observer of how they react and behave in different social settings and environments.  How do they cope at parties?  What happens for them in large gatherings, such as shopping centres?  Take note of their energy levels, their mood swings and behaviour that is unacceptable and with no real cause.

This is going to help you to determine where it is that they need extra support and guidance, they are not going to be understanding either why they feel the way they do and this is where you can offer so much support and guidance to them.

I am sure you know for yourself growing up as a sensitive soul, it was not easy and if you had support and guidance it would of made your childhood a whole lot easier and fruitful.

  • Explaining

Now that you have a deeper understanding of your child and how their sensitivity is affecting them and expressing itself in their life, you can explain it to your child, to help them to understand why they feel the way they do.

It is important when explaining it to them that you never preface sensitivity with “it’s just because you are sensitive”, that can be construed as something bad, that there is something wrong with them.  We want to make sure that all sensitive beings kids or adults understand that their sensitivity is their gift, not a curse.

You can start out by asking them questions, depending on their age of course.  When you go to a party with your friends, how do you feel afterwards?  Do you notice you feel tired?  When we go to the shops, how do you feel when we are there?  Does your tummy start to hurt, do you start to feel tired?

These are all great questions to help them to start to get to know themselves better and what a powerful gift you are giving your child.

You can then start to explain to them why it is they feel this way.  Check out this article “The Traits of an Empath” which will also help you to determine their levels of sensitivity and what areas of their life are affecting them negatively.   I also talked about this topic on “The Nurtured Empath” Podcast – see below.

 

 

How to help your sensitive child

  • Shielding

Now you have a deeper understanding of how your child’s sensitivity is affecting them you can now help them to cope in those situations and environments.  Shielding is one of those ways, it is a great way for your child to feel protected from the energy of other people that has been affecting them probably throughout their whole life.

When my girls where younger we used to play this fun game on the way to school and we called it “Shields Up”, they were both into sci-fi shows so this was an easy sell.  I taught them to envision a big bubble surrounding them from the top of their head all the way down and under their feet, whilst they were inside this bubble none of the energy that made them feel sad, angry, anxious or tired could get to them it would just bounce straight back off.

To invoke the energetic shield of protection, we would just say “Shields Up” and they would put their hands up on either side of their head – see image of my youngest daughter showing it in action.  This is enough for their energy shield to be protected and reducing the amount of energy they are absorbing from other people around them.

 

 

  • Body Scan

This is a very powerful exercise to put your child back in charge, allow him/her to know their body and their energetic system so well that when any other energy comes close they will be aware of it. (You can do this for yourself too)

It is a very simple yet powerful and effective technique.  It is an envisioning exercise, just like an x-ray machine, you are going to get them to scan their body from head to toe and noticing any areas of tension, tightness or pain.

What this does is allows your child to then know what is theirs and what is not, so for example if they are feeling completely fine at home and then leave the house to go to school and start to feel pain or tension anywhere in their body, they will know it doesn’t belong to them.

how to help your sensitive child

The action then becomes:   “This isn’t mine, I let it go”

Arming your child with this simple yet powerful technique is going to help them so much in embracing their sensitivity and will see them through not only their childhood years but through adulthood as well.


 

Are you feeling more prepared now in how to help your sensitive child?  I would love to hear your experiences in raising a sensitive child, comment below and let me know.  I respond to every comment.

 

Nicole Ivens | Gold Coast Counsellor

The Traits of an Empath

The Traits of an Empath

The Traits of an Empath

Have you ever wondered why you feel different to those around you?

Noticing that you experience the world in a different way, feel more sensitive to the energy of your environment and people around you, well you may in fact like me be an Empath.  I am going to take you through 27 different traits of an empath that will explain to you why you feel they way you do.

 

1. Knowing

Have you felt like you just know things without being told?  You just know something when you probably shouldn’t know it, and I feel this goes even deeper than intuition, it is just a real knowingness, deep in your core.  Coming from our ability to sense energy and being highly attuned.

2. Being in public places can be overwhelming

This is a big one for empaths, it can feel so overwhelming.  When you think about going shopping, attending sports event or concert, you feel all the energies coming at you at once.  This can feel so overwhelming and confusing, as  you have so many different energies and emotions coming at you.  You may find yourself feeling extremely tired and exhausted after only a short time in the space of other people and energy.

3. Feeling the emotions of others

You feel how other people are feeling and this can lead to confusion once again because it can be hard to determine and differentiate between your own feelings and those of other people that you are picking up.  You are absorbing the emotions of others and thinking that they belong to you, so think about a time where you have really noticed your mood change for no apparent reason.  This is due to you absorbing the emotion of another person and taking it on as your own.

4. Watching violence on TV

This one affects me as an Empath on quite a deep level.  Have you noticed when you are watching TV, it may be the news or just a drama, thriller or horror movie and start to feel the affects of what the actor is experiencing.  This is another sign that you are an Empath, as you are literally soaking up the emotions of the person on the TV be that real or fiction.

The traits of an empath

5. You know when someone is being dishonest

As an empath you are like a human lie-detector, you just know when someone isn’t being truthful with you, whether its a white lie or a big whopper they are trying to pull over on you.  This can be a challenging one especially in relationships, is this something that you have noticed?

6. Picking up physical symptoms off others

You may notice when you are around other people all of a sudden you notice a physical ailment, such as a headache or stomach pain or any physical pain really.  This is you absorbing the energy off others and taking on their physical pain.  This is one to be aware of and learning how to release that energy aka physical pain back to its owner.

7. Digestive disorders and lower back problems

As we pick up the energy of emotions of others, it can really cause you to suffer with these issues due to your system being weakened.  Lower back problems are connected to you being ungrounded and that’s why as an empath its super important to have a routine of keeping yourself grounded, allowing you to cope with the energies and emotions coming at you from others.

8. Always advocating for other people, especially those in need.

Empaths can sense those in need, zone in on those who are in need of your support and protection.  It really comes from our strong compassion and we can’t help but step in and help and advocate for them.

9. Others will tell you their life story

You may have noticed that people just open up to you really easily, even strangers, you may be at the supermarket and next thing you know the cashier is telling you their life story and you now probably know way more about them than you needed to.  We tend to become a dumping ground for others problems, as we are very compassionate and with our open hearts people just feel comfortable off loading on us.

10. Feeling tired and exhausted all the time

Feeling fatigue constantly comes from taking on the energy of others all the time, as an empath you are like a sponge, just soaking up all the energy around you.  This is why its so important to take time for yourself, away from others, having that quiet time and that is ok.

11. Addictive Personality

To cope with absorbing the energy of others we turn to a drug of sorts to help protect us against the pain we are experiencing, especially when we don’t know what it is they we are protecting against.  The addiction may be food (my drug of choice), alcohol, drugs or even shopping (which can be a double edged sword with shopping equaling people), each of these distracts you and protects you from all the energy and emotions coming at you.  Good news is once you learn about being a empath and learn the coping skills you can become reformed on your drug of choice, such as emotional eating for me.  I am now a recovering emotional eater.

12. Healing and Holistic Therapies resonate with you on a deep level

You may feel you radiate towards energy healing in different shapes and forms, this is all part of your path as an empath being drawn to and resonating with healing modalities that are going to support your gift as an empath.  For me I was very drawn and resonated with the Law of Attraction, oracle cards and Emotional Freedom Techniques.  What do you feel drawn to or resonate with?

13. Creative Flair

Empaths tend to express themselves in a creative way and even more than that it is an important outlet for the energy they have absorbed, as I was talking about in trait #11, this is a more healthy way of releasing energies and emotions from others.  I know sometimes when I say creative, people feel like no I am not creative at all, but the fact is, we all are in one way or another.  You have the obvious creative paths like dancing, singing, painting etc but then there are other not so obvious ways such as thinking in more creative ways about a problem, re-organising your space (empaths love this).

14. A love of nature and animals

Nature is a real solace for empaths, it is where we go to balance, ground and rejuvenate our energy.  You may notice you just feel so calm when you are in nature and whilst you’re there notice animals are attracted to you.

15. Need for alone time and solitude

As an empath it is so important to have your down time, you may notice if you don’t get alone time you start to feel exhausted, overwhelmed, confused and lost.  Taking time out is #1 important task for an empath.

16. Get bored very easily

You may notice you get bored very easily if you are not doing something that really stimulates you.  When an empath becomes un-stimulated that is when you may find yourself daydreaming or doodling and really not paying attention, not the best thing at work or school.

17. Find it hard to do things you don’t enjoy

I have noticed this one within myself, its a real struggle to do things I don’t enjoy and one of those things is small talk.  It just really doesn’t do it for me and feels like a waste of time and energy.  Have you noticed that within yourself?  Bring me a deep conversation and I’m all in, just don’t talk to me about the weather.

18. Truth is so important, a real deep core value

As empaths truth is so important, honesty for me is a top deep core value, I don’t cope well with people that are not being truthful.  As in an earlier trait #5 we know when people are being dishonest and this explains why we find this so difficult.

19. Always on the search for more knowledge, wisdom and answers

An empath is always on the search for answers and if they are not given a good explanation they have to keep searching until they feel comfortable with the answer or it resonates with them on a deep level.   As I mentioned in an earlier trait #1 when an empath has a knowingness they will search for confirmation on what they know to be true.

20. Adventure and travel is an empaths soul food

Travel, freedom and adventure is so important as an empath, we need to have a lifestyle that allows this to happen on a regular basis otherwise it can start to feel like in trait #15 no alone time, a sense of overwhelm, exhaustion and a bit like a trapped animal that wants to roam free.

21. A dislike of clutter

This is something that empaths really can’t handle, clutter, we need to have a nice clean, organised and crisp space that is cleansed of any negative energy.  I know for me I am always de-cluttering and re-organising our home and I just love that feeling when our space is clear of clutter and cleansed of any negative and stuck energy.

22. A love of daydreaming

Does this sound like you?  Finding yourself off with the fairies, daydreaming the time away.  Yes me too, my husband used to call it “she’s zoned out again”, this is a great sign that you are an empath, a love of daydreaming.

23. Great listener

As empaths our sensitivity makes us great listeners, we don’t just hear the words, but we notice the body language and of course sense the energy behind the words.  Making us great listeners and explains trait #9 why others tell us their life stories.

24. Struggle to cope with narcissism

This is something that unfortunately empaths have to deal with quite a lot, as people that have narcissistic tendencies actually seek out those that are empaths.  Yet empaths detest narcissism, so it can be a real challenge to deal with these people when they are craving you and you just want them to get out of your space and take their narcissistic energy with them.

25. Antique furniture is a no-go

Like in many of the traits above where I have talked about the absorbing of energy, this is no different, we tend to not like antique or pre-owned furniture because we feel what the previous owner was feeling when they were in contact with the furniture.  For me I also avoid library books for the same reason otherwise I am flooded with the energy and emotions of the previous reader/s.

26. Sense the energy of food

Have you noticed some foods affect your body in strange ways?  This can be a sign that you are an empath and picking up on the energy and emotion of the animal, especially if it is a meat product.  Pay attention to this and make adjustments if needed.

27. Appearing moody, shy or disconnected

Like I mentioned earlier in trait #22 my husband thinking I was zoning out, this is how we can come across due to different reasons, maybe we are daydreaming or maybe we are distancing ourselves as a form of self-protection and this can come across as us being in a bad mood, or shy or sometimes even arrogant.  A cross we bear as an empath and trying to have a balance between protecting ourselves and still being available for others.

Well done on getting to the end of our 27 traits you are an Empath!  So how many did you resonate with?  I would love to hear, you can comment below.


Nicole Ivens | Nurtured Empath Academy


 

Honour Your Sensitivity

Have you ever been told “you are just too sensitive”?

 

Yes, me too.  I have been told this a number of times, usually by those closest to me.  This for a very long time caused me to feel really bad about myself and like there was something very wrong.

On my journey of getting to know the true me, I have learned that actually my sensitivity is my strength.  I was given this gift for a reason and it is my responsibility and purpose to share it with the world.

 

What is Sensitivity?

Sensitivity is feeling everything at a very deep level, it is not something you have a choice in and at times you may have no idea why you are even feeling emotional.  Another way to describe sensitivity is caring about others very deeply,  have you found yourself crying or feeling really emotional and attached to people on TV?

Yes, me too.  I have got to the point now where I don’t watch the news because it is just too overwhelming and overloads my system.  Sound familiar?

So, you know that you are a sensitive soul, what now?  It is extremely important that you protect yourself, as a sensitive soul you will pick up on other people’s feelings even if they themselves are not aware of them.

I am going to share some simple exercises with you to protect your energy and minimise your system being overloaded.

  1. Surround yourself in white light
    Imagine you are inside of a white bubble, that covers you all the way from your head right down to your feet, ensuring it goes underneath your feet as well.  As you imagine this bubble it is important to ensure you have the intention of deflecting negative emotions whilst still allowing in guidance and abundance.
  2. Body Scan
    Before going out anywhere, do a body scan.  This involves closing your eyes and just scanning your body, noticing any tightness or aches and pains.  What this does is helps you to distinguish between your own body feels and those that are coming from another person.  If you notice body feels that are not yours, you can simply ask your angels to remove this from you as it doesn’t belong to you, it is not yours to carry.
  3. Boundaries
    As a sensitive soul it is paramount that you have boundaries and adhere to them with each and every person you interact with, I don’t care if they are a stranger or your family and closest friends.  To be honest with you it is the ones closest to us that are the biggest offenders of stepping over the line.   Lay out your boundaries and they are non-negotiable, as you treat yourself in a caring and loving way, so will others.

Your Sensitivity is your Strength

Now you have a good understanding of what sensitivity is and how to recognise it within yourself and how to protect this vulnerability.  Now it is time to understand that this is a gift, being sensitive is not a negative trait, if only there were more sensitive souls the world would be a very different place.

Caring deeply for others is not a bad thing as long as you protect yourself.  Staying grounded and recognising what you are picking up on, will make a huge difference in how you view your sensitivity.  There are always going to be people that will step over your boundaries and try to take advantage of this sensitivity and this is where your protection needs to kick in big time.

Using these techniques is going to ensure that your sensitivity is a strength and something you can use to your advantage in being able to help others and serve the world as a light worker.   There is already too much darkness in our world, your light is needed.

A fun way to deal with the negative nellies who say “You are just too sensitive”

I have had a lot of these in my life, so I know exactly how you are feeling when experiencing this statement.  I love to say “really wow thank you so much, what a beautiful compliment.”   It will put them on the back foot real quick and chances of them saying it again is very minimal.

I no longer want you to feel bad about yourself or feel like your sensitivity is a negative trait.  You are a beautiful strong sensitive soul that is needed in the world – Shine Your Light Baby!

 

Are you finding it hard to set your boundaries and deal with being a sensitive soul?

I offer individual online sessions that are individualised to your needs, supporting you to restore your peace of mind.

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