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Give Yourself Permission To Feel

Give Yourself Permission to Feel What You Feel

Welcome back to Season 2 of the Nurtured Empath Podcast

 

So, here we are back with season two and you know thinking about what the first episode would be for season two.

What really came through to me was what I have been seeing through client sessions in the last few months, it’s really been about not been able to feel what you feel.

What I have been noticing is that a lot of people will excuse how they are feeling because, especially with what we have been experiencing over the last year 2020 they feel like there are other people out there that are worse off.

And you know what it really doesn’t matter what other people are going through. This is about you and how you are feeling and about what you are experiencing.

Now you pushing down and not expressing or processing how it is that you are feeling and what it is that you are experiencing is not helping anybody.

Not helping you and not helping the other people you’re seeing that you are feeling are going through worse things than you are.

give yourself permission to feel

You not expressing your own feelings does nothing for them, it’s not going to help them on their path at all. All it’s going to do is to cause you to feel worse because you’re not going to be expressing or processing how you are feeling.

You’re going to be putting on that mask like we pretend to do to say you know what everything is okay, I am fine. That is obviously a big statement that empaths tend to use and females especially tend to use, we use that statement of I’m fine.

I think I have mentioned this before in the previous season of this podcast. I am fine is a statement that is banned in my household because it’s not a true statement.

When someone says they are fine, majority of the time they are not fine, they are just saying I don’t want to burden you with this, so I am going to say that I am fine.

All you’re saying is I can’t feel what I feel because the person over there has got it worse than I do. All that is doing is you’re pushing it down and not processing, and what not processing does is that it fills you up on the inside. And if you are filled up in the inside then it reduces your capacity to help other people.

So, if you are seeing someone else whether they’re close to you or just someone you know going through a tough time, and you feel that what your experience is, is less compared to what they’re going through.

While you not processing what’s going on for you that means you are minimising your capacity to help them with whatever they’re going through.

So, why would you want to do that?  Why would you want to look at their situation? That is really bad so, what I’m going through that is nothing I’m not going to deal with it.  All you are doing is just reducing that space that you have within you to help them with whatever they are going through.

I know for me I wouldn’t want to do that, in my role obviously as a counsellor I have to have the capacity to help my clients.

It’s important that I always deal with my stuff and I can tell you the things I hear from my clients are one hundred times worse than what I go through.

But it doesn’t minimise what I experience, I need to be processing and expressing that for myself, so then I still have that capacity to help them and that is the same for you.

Make sure you’re always expressing your own feelings, giving yourself permission to feel.

So, then you have that space to help other people that are going through some tough times.

I hope that helps you understand the importance of giving yourself the permission to feel.

So, it’s really important for you to start to know it’s okay to feel what you feel. It’s okay to express what you feel. It’s okay to process what you feel.

“Give Yourself Permission To Feel”

Blocking that and pretending to feel okay, is not helping you to grow it’s stunting your growth, your spiritual growth.

It’s important for you to give yourself the permission to feel.

That is really the message I wanted to get across in the first episode of season two.

“It is okay to feel”

give yourself permission to feel

I really want you to go ahead and be doing that, to start to process or to express what you feel.

Journaling is a great way to do that, it’s like a brain dump, open the page and really writing about truly how you are feeling.

What’s been happening? Who is part of the story? What’s the environment it’s happening in?

Really writing all of it out, getting it out of your brain, it’s going to help you to express and process it. To see the truth of what is really going on.

Because when we leave things up in our mind, they tend to gain momentum and the story can have things added into it that aren’t necessarily true.

This will really help you to express, process and really move through whatever it is you have been experiencing.

That is my tip for you today to really start to understand what is you are feeling.  I am going to leave you with a question:

“When was the last time you really gave yourself the permission to feel what you feel?”


Nicole offers both in-person and online holistic counselling sessions, to book your session click here


Nicole Ivens | Holistic Counsellor

 

Boundaries

How to Implement Boundaries without Changing who you are!

How to Implement Boundaries without Changing who you are!


You are not here to save anyone or anything!

This is a topic that I have noticed showing up in private sessions with my clients, a big fear for empaths is “if I put boundaries in place I will lose what I feel is me, my need to help others, how do I do that if I have boundaries?”

When I see these themes occurring I know it’s something that more than just my clients are experiencing, so felt it was an important topic to talk about.  I would love you to consider this for yourself, when you think about putting boundaries in place, what do you feel?  Do you worry about having to change who you truly are by putting boundaries in place?

Many empaths logically know that they need to put boundaries in place but on a deep core/soul level they feel a sense of obligation and even guilt to continue to be an open door to help people.

I get this completely as this was me, I was told so many times, you need to put boundaries in place and I was like nope not doing it.  I too felt that to put boundaries in place I would need to change who I was, I am a caring and kind person, I help people, with boundaries I can’t do that……Sound familiar?

I came to a place where I no longer had a choice, I could not continue to be a door mat, to have a revolving door for people.  They would come in dump everything on me and feel so much better and then walk back out my revolving door, leaving me feeling exhausted, drained and overwhelmed.

Then the next time would come, again walk in, dump, walk out and I wouldn’t hear from them again until the next time and the next time and the next time.

I had to finally put a stop to it realising I could no longer be the door mat, and have the revolving door to these people.  Whilst it was not their fault, I had allowed them to do that, always being there for them, dropping everything every time they needed me.  Putting a stop to it was important, both for me and for them, constantly fixing things for people is not doing them any favours, it was in actual fact dis-empowering them.

boundaries

An important thing to understand is, as empaths and as sensitive souls we have an innate need within us to serve others.  We are here to help people and the thought of putting in boundaries mean I won’t be able to help them anymore and then I won’t get to feel fulfilled because I can’t do the one thing that my soul craves and that is to help and serve.

For a lot of you I know that it can feel selfish and what I learned about that personally was, if I didn’t put boundaries in place I then wouldn’t be available for anybody.  As a mum to two teenage girls, my medical warriors as I like to call them as they have both been through some pretty dire medical emergencies over the years.  They are the ones that deserve my energy more than anybody else.

Being a revolving door or a door mat meant I didn’t have the energy for the people that truly deserved it.  The people that are the most important to me, not only the ones that are there for me, but the ones that continually show up, they prove themselves over and over and over again.  They are the ones that deserved my energy.

Not the people that would come and go only when they either needed me for something or needed something from me, then they would leave and I wouldn’t hear from them again till the next time.

I then learned that I could actually be more powerful and have more influence, one because my energy was higher as I was no longer being a door mat, not been the person that they would come to and I would fix it for them or save them from something.  This was a big lesson I had to learn, I am not here to save anyone or anything.

“You are not here to save anyone or anything”

I am here as a place where people can start to unload but then find the power and healer within them so they can help themselves.  So if you can go from saying I am here to help people, to save people or to fix people to I am here to empower people.  You will have so much more influence on people, the people in your life and people you don’t even know, you are going to have more power in that, more influence in that if you choose to work to empower them.

I’m not going to save them, I am not going to fix it for them, I am not going to do it for them, I am going to empower them to do it for themselves.

They are then going to be able to go on in their life been able to take care of themselves, empower themselves and be more independent.  It was a time of reminding myself by saying “Nicole remember where your power is, remember your power is within empowering them to do it for themselves, in holding the space for them to find all they need within them”.

As empaths and sensitive souls we do that very well, I am sure you have noticed in your life that people, strangers even come up and just unload, telling you their life story and usually without any prompting.  That is because that is your power,  your power to allow people to feel like you are their safe space to finally let go of what they have been carrying around.

The mistake we tend to make and I made it very early on as well, is that we don’t feel like that is enough.  How is just listening enough, I have to do something about this, and that is a human need, feeling we need to fix it and make it better.

But if we can start to understand just how powerful that is, just listening.  If you have ever had an experience where someone just listens to you, not listening to respond but really listening to hear you, focusing wholly on you, not distracted by anything else, you would know just how impactful that is.

That is the gift you give to other people, just listening, focusing on them and them only and that in itself is enough, you are enough.  You don’t have to do anything else, you don’t have to fix anything and you don’t have to have all the answers.

boundaries

I know when I first started in my Counsellor studies that was my biggest fear, that I wouldn’t know the answers, what the right advice to give would be.  The first thing my teacher said to me was “being a Counsellor is never about giving advice, we don’t give advice, we help our clients to find the answers for themselves”, boy was that a huge weight off my shoulders.

It is the same for you, you don’t need to have all the answers, you just need to listen and care and as an Empath my love, you have that in the bag.

Now within that an important point and something I really want you to understand is, the process is:

  1. You listen
  2. Allow them to release what they need to let go of
  3. You also let it go, you do not absorb it, you do not carry it

As empaths we can have a bad habit of feeling that if someone is sharing it with me then that must mean I am supposed to carry it, or I am strong enough to carry it.  No, that is not the reason, the reason is like I said before you are the safe place for them to unload, not to absorb and not to carry.

An analogy for you:  When you are going on a trip and you take your bags to the departure desk at the airport, you don’t give the bag to the customer service officer do you, you put it on the conveyor belt.  The person serving you and getting you booked in, isn’t going to then carry your bags for you, are they?  Of course not they are just the safe place for your bags to go, knowing that they are in the right place and will be boarded onto the plane.

It is the same for you when people unload, it’s not because they want you to carry it, it’s because they just need to stop carrying it themselves.  So you allow them to unload and as I said that is a huge service you are providing right there and then you allow the baggage to be on its way.

Remembering:

  • You are not fixing
  • You are not saving
  • You are not giving advice
  • You are not absorbing

You are allowing that person to feel freer, to feel lighter, to feel heard and to feel understood and that is such a powerful gift you can give to people.

Now to bring all of this back around to the idea of boundaries, you are going to see that implementing boundaries is actually two fold:

  1. We are implementing those boundaries so people don’t feel that they can walk all over us, or they can’t take up all of our time.  They need to start to respect us and respect our time.
  2. It is also a boundary for yourself, you also do not step over that line.  You hold the space for them, but you do not absorb and you do not step over that line into their energy field and try to fix or save them.

I hope you can start to see that if we do it in that way, that we are not changing who we are, we are still the same person you don’t have to be different.  You don’t have to stop being who you are or fulfilling that innate need of wanting to help people.  It is changing what helping people means, changing what serving people means.

It is changing what helping and serving people means.

What you are now doing is just holding that container, that allows people to feel safe in unloading and letting go of what is just too damn heavy to continue carrying around, emptying it into the container, you are closing the lid and then its done.

boundaries

Instead of being completely open and having no boundaries and allowing them to step over that, then feeling they are telling me this, so it must be my job to fix it.  It must be my job to save them, NO it is not!

If you continue to do that, continue to not have any boundaries, continue to be the person that fixes everything for people or having to save people all of the time.  You are actually doing them a dis-service, we are all here to have our lessons, for our soul to grow but if you are continually going out of your way to fix and save people you are removing that opportunity of growth for them.

If you can think about it in that way, that by putting these boundaries in place I am actually helping them, I am empowering them for learning and growth the boundaries will no longer feel like you are doing something wrong or being selfish.

You are not losing your ability to help people, you are helping them in a different way.

You are going to help them to grow and a great example of this is when our kids start to grow, when they are little you are leading them along their path but as they become older, teenagers and young adults its time for us to step off their path and walk along side them.

Another great way to look at boundaries from an empowered place is to look at the role of our guardian angels, if you have been with me for a while you will know that your guardian angel can not step in and help you unless you ask aka boundaries.  So if you start to see yourself as an Earth Angel just walking along side people, guiding and helping them without stepping over yours and their boundaries, you are going to be one powerful earthly being.

Put your boundaries in place, Be their Guide and watch both yours and their lights start to shine like never before.

If you are having trouble putting your boundaries in place and are noticing you are feeling guilty or selfish and left feeling exhausted, drained and overwhelmed. I can help you to heal those emotions and allow you to become that powerful earthly being.  Click here to book your appointment.


Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor

Ask Your Angels Ep22

Energy of the Week – Ask Your Angels Ep22

ASK YOUR ANGELS ~ EPISODE 22

Energy of the week for 30th December 2019 – 5th January 2020

Tune in to your Cosmic Team and Ask Your Angels what do I need?
Pick card 1, 2, 3 or 4.

 

Ask your Angels Ep22

Your Guidance Revealed

Ask Your Angels Ep22

Card 1:

Your guidance starts at 2:17 in the video below.

HEALING – As I look at this card, I am drawn to the star over her heart centre and the tears being shed.  I feel as women, empaths and sensitive souls crying and being emotional has been something we have been targeted for, so it is something we either tend to hide or not do at all.  Your angels are guiding its the perfect time to do some healing, as we head into a new year and new decade, they are showing me this time of year can feel a bit like a pressure cooker.  Lots of things ending but also new beginnings, planning celebrations to bring in the new year and those dreaded new years resolutions (which never really eventuate, do they?).  Feeling the need to make big plans for the year to come, new goals, intentions and resolutions can leave you feeling very panicky with only a couple days left in the year.  Questions like what will it mean if I don’t make any goals, or what will it mean if I make the wrong goals?

What you are being guided right now is to just stop, stop and breathe and for you to know if you don’t make or set any goals or resolutions your world will not implode, the 1st of the year is just another day, no different to say from today till tomorrow.  It is the meaning you are putting on it, but what will see you in a better place this time next year will be the inner work.  Letting go and healing anything that you don’t want to take with you into the new year and new decade, take this time and I promise you will start to see something different for your life, instead of the same ole same.

Card 2:

Your guidance starts at 6:07 in the video below.

BUDDHA NATURE – Here we go again with our story continuing on for the week, card #1 saw us doing the inner work with healing and now card #2 is asking you to centre yourself, come back to your core and take some time out in nature just like the Buddha did.  What have you been searching for outside of yourself?  That has been within you all along, its time to let go of the external world, turn inside and take the time to understand yourself and situations on a deeper level.  Your inner self is where all the work begins and continues along your spiritual path and this is where change begins before it is then reflected outside of you.

Taking the time to reflect on your life, your past year, your past 10 years, what theme has shown up throughout your life over the past decade.  Its the perfect time to look back and bring into your awareness your experiences, your growth and your healing, ensuring you are leaving behind anything that is no longer for you.

As empaths and sensitive souls nature is our lifeline, the place that brings us back to life always.  Just stepping outside for us is like an energetic line directly to the divine re-energising us to continue along your spiritual path.  When was the last time you re-energised your spirit and soul?

Card 3:

Your guidance starts at 9:20 in the video below.

LOST IN YOUR OWN EQUATIONS – I am being shown you are getting lost and trapped within your own perspective, this can happen when you are on your spiritual path working on your personal development alone, a time comes where you may need an outside perspective.  Right now you are going round in circles not seeing how your own vocabulary and thoughts are keeping you stuck, reaching out to a friend can help you to see the roadblock.

I know this isn’t easy we can feel unsure of reaching out due to fear of judgement or people trying to fix us, finding someone you trust and know they can give you the honest feedback you need right now.  If not then its time to reach out to someone like me, who can really help you to see what is holding you back, I would be honoured to support you and to help you see changes and shifts that you can make to break out of the same old cycles and patterns you have been enduring.

Card 4:

Your guidance starts at 12:40 in the video below.

WISDOM – What a beautiful card to end our guidance this week, it is the true result of moving through each of our cards this week.  As you take time for healing, come back to your centre and cleanse your perspectives, this is where you end with amazing gold nuggets of wisdom.  As Dr Joe Dispenza says “Wisdom is a memory without the emotional charge”  so as you heal and release anything that is no longer serving you aka stuck energy and emotions all you are left with is the wisdom from the lessons you have learned.

You were never actually supposed to carry around the pain, you were supposed to let it flow through, exactly what emotion is “energy in motion”.  As you do that you are left with these amazing gold nuggets of knowledge and wisdom that not only help you but you can pass onto others, because there are other people still going through what you have already mastered.  I am sure you would of loved to have had someone support you through your lessons and now you have that golden opportunity.

Look back, become aware and use all you have learned to launch yourself forward into a beautiful new decade of opportunity.

 

I just love our story this week and it really is what I aim to do here with my life’s work is to Support, Educate & Nurture you to be the best version of yourself.  With that comes Healing, Inner Work, Connecting with Nature and finally Wisdom. 

 

You can also watch my Video to hear more about each card and the guidance I provided ~ click below

I would love to hear how the guidance resonates for you right now, comment right here on the blog.

You can also subscribe to my YouTube Channel here….so you get notified each time I share new content.


 

Nicole Ivens | Gold Coast Counsellor

 


I offer Online Intuitive Readings to provide you with more personal and detailed guidance.  You can learn more and book your Intuitive Reading Here.

Ask your Angels Ep21

Energy of the Week ~ Ask Your Angels Ep21

ASK YOUR ANGELS ~ EPISODE 21

Energy of the week for 23rd-29th December 2019

Tune in to your Cosmic Team and Ask Your Angels what do I need?
Pick card 1, 2, 3 or 4.

 

Ask Your Angels Ep21

Your Guidance Revealed

Ask Your Angels Ep21

Card 1:

Your guidance starts at 1:44 in the video below.

SELF-RESPECT – A very fitting card for this time and really following on from last week where I was talking about managing expectations, and this week it is all about self-respect and not putting up with bad behaviour.  Not allowing people to treat you in ways that is not okay and doesn’t sit well with you, letting people know that their behaviour is not okay, in a kind and loving way of course.

Just because certain people have known you for a long time, maybe since you were born and they have always acted in this way, doesn’t mean you have to continue to endure it.  As we grow and go along on our spiritual journey, we do get to a point where we will no longer put up with and accept certain behaviours.

As your self-esteem and self-confidence grows and you start to believe in yourself more, you will start to see people in a different light and what you used to accept and deal with, will no longer be okay.  Time to have those conversations, letting those people know that the way in which they interact with you, is no longer acceptable and you are respectfully asking them to shift and adjust their behaviour.

Embracing your new improved self-respect and start showing that to the world, people will start to notice and slowly their behaviour will adjust because they will see how you are treating yourself and what you will and will no longer accept from them.

Card 2:

Your guidance starts at 3:56 in the video below.

MOTHER – It doesn’t matter if your mum is passed or still with you here on the Earthly Plane, the guidance remains the same.  It is about starting to see your mum in a different light, the angels are bringing through the word “Fragile” and showing me an image of a porcelain doll and we all know how fragile they are.  When you can look at your mum through that lens, the experiences, situations and behaviours you have had with your mum will start to look different, you will have a much deeper understanding of the Why!

The big revelation from childhood is when the fog lifts and we start to see our mother as a person, with her own struggles, feelings and emotions, she isn’t just mum anymore.  As you grow and possibly become a mother yourself you start to see her differently and even if there are times where you may have felt pain in your relationship with her, you can now start to see why she may have acted in that way.  Understanding that at the time she was acting through her own lens, of what she had experienced in the past, possibly with her mum and it continues up the ancestral line.  This can stop with you,  you can start the healing process, not just for you, but for her and for her mum and then down the line to your children or children to come.

This is very much about you, healing that pain you have been carrying, whether she is still here or passed, pain doesn’t end with death and pain is heavy, its time to let that go, heal and be able to move forward into our new decade without the weight, that was never yours to carry in the first place.

Card 3:

Your guidance starts at 6:34 in the video below.

FEMININE – The landscape for us as women is really starting to shift, a lot more women are starting to step forward and no longer allowing certain behaviours and imbalances within our world.  You are receiving this card because now its your turn, its time for you to deeply connect to your feminine energy and know that it is okay, safe even for you to embrace your very powerful feminine energy.

For generations there has been a real imbalance between masculine and feminine energy and its not that we want to flip it completely, we don’t want to go from an imbalance of the masculine being stronger and the feminine weaker to feminine becoming stronger and the masculine weaker, we want a balance.

This isn’t about male vs female, this is a balance of energy within each and every person whether male or female.  We all have masculine and feminine energy within us and its time for a balance.  Continuing on from card #2 healing the relationship with our mums is the start, as it then allows you to really step into and shine your strong, powerful feminine energy.

Feminine energy is very powerful and strong if you allow it to be, allowing it to come to the surface and this really is why I do the work that I do.  Supporting you as an Empath and Sensitive Soul to really just be who you are, without feeling the need to hide your sensitivity aka your feminine energy.   That is your guidance this week, to start to allow her to shine through, even just a little bit.

Card 4:

Your guidance starts at 9:11 in the video below.

GIVING & RECEIVING – What a perfect card to round up our guidance this week and at this time of year, it is a traditional time of giving and receiving isn’t it.  Giving and receiving gifts, love and time, but its about so much more that just at Christmas time, this is about the affect across all areas of your life.

As Empaths and Sensitive Souls we are so good at giving, as soon as we see someone in need, we are in there offering our help and compassionate heart, but receiving now that is another whole story, isn’t it?  We are not so good at the receiving or asking for help, we tend to shy away from that, feeling that we are the helpers, so we couldn’t possibly ask for help from another soul.

What you may not realise is that by having an imbalance between giving and receiving, you are essentially turning off the tap to abundance and prosperity across all areas of your life.  A simple act of saying no when someone offers to buy you a coffee, is turning off that tap, stopping the flow of all that you deserve in your life.

You know for you to continue to share your beautiful love with all those around you, you need to be filled up too, we need that tap of abundance, prosperity and guidance to flow.

Think about when was the last time you asked for help and actually accepted the help of another, check out the video below where I talk to you about a big reason you need to be finding a balance between giving and receiving and it is actually providing a service to others.

 

What a lovely nurturing story we have this week from Mother Mary – Queen of Angels, she is really guiding us to look at how it is we are treating ourselves and starting to heal the experiences we have had with our mothers as that leads into just how we are showing up with our feminine energy.

 

You can also watch my Video to hear more about each card and the guidance I provided ~ click below

I would love to hear how the guidance resonates for you right now, comment right here on the blog.

You can also subscribe to my YouTube Channel here….so you get notified each time I share new content.


 

Nicole Ivens | Gold Coast Counsellor

 


I offer Online Intuitive Readings to provide you with more personal and detailed guidance.  You can learn more and book your Intuitive Reading Here.

Stress Busters For Mums

In my opinion there is one role we choose to take on as women and it is the most difficult, yet the most profound, growth provoking and fulfilling.  You got it, our role as a mother, one day all of a sudden we are responsible for this little human, with no guidelines and no rule book or manual to speak of.

Can you imagine starting a new job and being thrown in the deep end with no instructions, help or flotation devices to speak of.  Just wouldn’t happen right, hello HR we have a problem.

So of course mums experience different levels of stress throughout their child’s life, I’m just learning now with teenagers, one nearly 18, it doesn’t get better, or worry less, it’s just different.

“The older they get, the bigger the age number, the bigger the problems”

Stress Busters for Mums

 

So let’s look at some strategies aka Stress Busters For Mums to help you through some of those stressful periods as a Mum.

  1. Breathe

Breath work is very powerful in lowering your stress levels, helping you to self-regulate your emotions and then respond in a more calm manner.  Ensuring you are breathing deeply, in through your nose and out through your mouth.  Note: Shallow breathing will cause your anxiety to spike, in turn making your stress levels worse.

2. No comparing

STOP comparing yourself to other women and other mothers, even your own.  You are not them and they are not you, also they don’t have your children, they don’t know your children like you do.  You know what your children need, comparing yourself to others is only going to bring more misery and possibly trigger you in ways of self-worth and self-confidence.  You are doing your very best and that is Enough!

3. Adult Time Out

You need some time-out, time to just breathe (see strategy #1), to tend to your needs without being pulled in a thousand different directions.  Time out for you will be different for time out for me or any other woman, you do you and let others do them.  If you could take an “Adult Time Out”, what would that look like for you?

Taking a time out is not neglecting your children or your role as a mum, you are doing it for them not to them.  A calm and relaxed mum is way more fruitful for your children than an exhausted, stressed and overwhelmed mum.

4. Emotion Regulation

You are human despite you proving otherwise with your amazing skills at being in a million places at once and being everything to everyone.  So yes you have needs and you have emotions that need tending to, emotion regulation is going to help you to feel calm within the chaos that is life as a mum.  Along with the first three strategies this is important in keeping you grounded and allowing you to cope with life’s hard knocks.

EFT or Tapping is a great modality to be using to help you self-regulate (you can teach it to your kids too), its easy to learn and very effective at lowering both yours and your children’s stress levels.  In my mind a calm mum is a calm child and a calm child is a calm mum.  Check out the video below where I take you through a quick process of what EFT or Tapping is and how you can use it in your life.

 

 

I hope you enjoy trying out these stress busters for mums, I would love to hear how they work for you, comment below.  Any questions about any of these strategies, comment below or contact me here.

Nicole Ivens Holistic Counselling

I work locally with offices in Burleigh Heads & Robina and also online worldwide.  I support soulful women to cope with the ups and downs of life, releasing negative experiences and processing the grief that comes along with integrating change and embracing your new normal.   Book your free call here.

How To Connect With Your True Authentic Self

Connection is the energy between two people, how you connect with another person has a lot to do with the energy between you.  When your energy levels are different, the connection can be more difficult.  You know the saying “I felt like I have known them my whole life”, this comes from both people being on the same energy wave length and you feel an immediate connection.

Connection

Now that you are aware of what a connection is, how can you apply that to your true authentic self?  A connection been the energy between two people, well in this case it is a connection between the self you are aware of and your higher self.  You know that small quiet inner voice you hear and probably ignore most of the time, that is your higher self guiding you.

Starting to improve your connection with your higher self is going to help you to live your life as your true authentic self, instead of living from external expectations and how you think you should live your life.  From the time as a small child you have been instructed on what to do, how to do it and when to do it, so it is no wonder your connection has waned.

Aren’t you tired of living a life that doesn’t feel authentic to you?  Doing things to please others, only to be left feeling depleted instead of energised.  Operating in connection with your higher self will see you doing things in such a way that serves both you and others, remembering when you say yes to others you are in fact saying no to yourself.

In today’s world of social media it can be hard to shut out all the external noise and connect back in with your true authentic self.  Falling into the comparison trap is very common and I for one have been very guilty of comparing myself to others.  So how do you shut out all this noise and connect in with your higher self, let’s look at a few ways.

3 Ways To Connect With Your True Authentic Self

  1. Meditation – is a wonderful way to shut out the external noise and come back to your center.  Think about it as a time of getting to do nothing, instead of viewing it as just another thing you need to do.  I recommend using the app “insight timer”, it has some beautiful music with a timer.  Start out with just 5 minutes and build it up over time, I currently do 20 mins morning and night.
  2. Journaling – is a great way to hear your voice, without any restrictions, just write.  Let it flow and see what comes.  I shared in an earlier blog “The Art Of Letting Go” steps to journaling if you haven’t done it before.  This is something I recommend to all of my clients for both themselves and their children, depending on the age.  For younger kids getting them to draw how they are feeling works wonders.
  3. Breathing – deep breathing is such a quick, easy and effective way to connect in with your true authentic self.  Breathing calms both feelings in your body and thoughts in your mind, give yourself 3 minutes and you will be feeling refreshed and grounded.

Using the above strategies on a regular basis is going to see you feeling calmer, more relaxed and less likely to take on other peoples opinions or judgements as  your own.

If you are finding it hard to have a connection with your true authentic self, I can help you to work through past experiences that are keeping you from re-awakening your deep connection.

www.nicoleivens.com/workwithnicole

Successful Parent

What Makes a Successful Parent?

Success = The accomplishment of an aim or purpose

If we follow this definition of success then being a successful parent is going to look different for each person as we all have our own purpose.

What is your purpose?

When you thought about becoming a parent, what were the values you thought would be important in your role as a parent and how do they compare to the reality?

In today’s world of social media we can easily fall into the trap of comparison, seeing how other parents are living their lives can give you a feeling of insecurity.  Reminding yourself of your values as a parent can help to bring you back to who you are and what it is you want to achieve as a parent.

As parents we are continually worried that we may not have all the answers and the way we are raising our kids may be causing them damage.  However, what is important to remember is that you have everything you need within you to be a successful parent.

Let’s look at the traits within you that support you in becoming a successful parent:

  1. Be Yourself
  2. Trust Yourself
  3. Use your Intuition
  4. Respect each child’s uniqueness
  5. Gain knowledge

Coming back to who you are and trust in that will allow you to become the best parent you can be.  There is no other person on this earth that can be a better parent to your child, your child chose you as their parent for a reason.

Trust in your abilities and this will reflect in how you raise your child and yourself in the process.  When I look back over my parenting journey of 16 years, I can see how different my children are as they have grown into young ladies but I can also see a vast difference in my own growth and the growth of my husband.

We are all in this together, trust yourself first and then ask for support as you need it.  Together we will raise enlightened children.

Written by Nicole Ivens

Nicole Ivens is an experienced Professional Counsellor  and EFT Coach.

Nicole supports parents to empower, educate and encourage their children to be their true authentic self.

Learn more about Nicole http://www.nicoleivens.com/about

Decisions

10 Ways to Effective Decision Making

In planning this week’s blog I asked my mum what she thought would be a good title for a blog about decision making and yes her response was:

“I don’t know, I just can’t decide”

Without even realising it she had made a decision about the title of this week’s blog.  This actually happens a lot we make decisions without even realising it and as we saw here not making a decision, is making a decision.

So what is the inability to make a decision all about, where does it stem from.  I want you to think about a time where you were able to make a decision quite easily compared to a time where you found decision making difficult, what was the difference?

Research shows that self-confidence, self-esteem and past experiences has a lot to do with your current ability to make decisions, especially those decisions that will make a significant change to your life or the life of your loved ones.

Decision making is a skill and one that can be built upon, just because you struggle with decision making right now doesn’t mean it has to always be that way.

So you have acknowledged that decision making doesn’t come easy to you, now what to do about it.  Up first is something I already mentioned, not making a decision is making a decision.  You are deciding to stay stuck where you are in this moment, staying in your comfort zone and not moving forward and if this is where you want to stay that is all good.

Now if this isn’t where you want to stay and you would love to be able to make decisions easily and effortlessly then read on, I have a great technique to help you and I promise it won’t hurt at all.

 

1. Get yourself two post-it notes
2. Write on each one your options
3. Stick them on your bathroom mirror
4. Take 3 deep breaths and relax
5. Stand in front of the first choice
6. Take note of your body language, what is happening?  Did your shoulders drop or did you feel energised and start smiling?
7. Now stand in front of the second choice
8. Again take note of your body language.
9. Now its time to analyse the difference in your body language for both choices, this will give you your answer outside of the thoughts of fear that may be appearing in your mind.  Your body doesn’t lie, it will assist you in making your important decision.
10. As you become aware of what your body is telling you, your mind will try to take over, giving you the what if questions, which is what tests your confidence and sends you into a spin of indecision.   It’s important to follow your body on this one as it can give you important insight into what is the right choice for you.

I use this technique myself in decision making and have found it to be so helpful in not only making decisions but also uncovering my personal reasons for my indecision in the first place.

The more you use this technique the easier it will become and the more you will start to be able to rely on and trust your body language as your partner in making decisions either small or large in your life.

Learn more about Nicole www.nicoleivens.com/about

Empowerment

A Guide to Personal Empowerment

One of my favourite things that I am very passionate about is empowering women to really believe in themselves and get back in the driver’s seat of their life.  The light I see in their eyes when this shift begins to happen is miraculous, they stand tall and have a beautiful confidence within them that then shines out to the world.

Personal empowerment is a very powerful skill to have in your arsenal, being able to empower yourself in each and every moment you are experiencing will make a significant change to your life.

What is Personal Empowerment?

Personal empowerment is looking at yourself and identifying your strengths and weaknesses and gaining an awareness of your uniqueness.  Basically it is understanding who you are, accepting who you are and having a belief in yourself.

“A self-empowered individual does not let go of the power of the expert of self”

On your path towards personal empowerment it is important to remember that no-one knows you or knows what you need more than you do.  Whether you are aware of it or not,  you are the expert on YOU!


Your Pocket Guide to Personal Empowerment

Awareness

Becoming aware of your strengths and weaknesses will allow you to begin to really get to know who you are right now, not who you were as a child or even a younger adult, right now.  Make a list of your strengths and really start to become aware and acknowledge your greatness.

Trust

Starting to build a trusting relationship with yourself is important, to make choices and move forward in your life you need to operate from a state of trust.  Like I mentioned earlier you are the expert on you.  Make a list of all the times where you have done something and it worked out, this will help to build your trust.

Values

What are your values?  Knowing what your values are and having the ability to stand by them can be extremely empowering, this also comes back to knowing who you are and having a belief in yourself.

Skills

Recognising what your skills are and how you can use them in your life to help both yourself and others will give you a sense of great confidence and in turn personal empowerment.

Goals

Setting realistic goals to help you to achieve what it is you want in your life, in itself can be very empowering.  Again, giving you a sense of confidence, responsibility and power over your life.


A lot of the time we go through life without direction and this can lead to losing confidence in yourself and feeling you don’t have what it takes to succeed.

You have everything you need within you to follow your path and fulfill your purpose here on Earth, taking the time to really tune in and becoming aware of who you are, will see you well on your way to Personal Empowerment.

Learn more about Nicole www.nicoleivens.com/about

Women

Is it time to let go?

Do you feel like you are pushing a rock up a hill?

Recently, I have started to look at my life and wonder if the challenges we experience as a family with a child that has special needs are really necessary.

As women there are certain expectations put on us by society, family, friends and of course ourselves.  So, how do we meet them all without ending up hiding in the corner rocking backwards and forwards?

Where are you putting unnecessary pressure on yourself to do things perfectly?

I know for me I tend to look at others and feel like I should be doing things in the same way.  So, I put pressure on myself to conform to a certain way of life but due to our circumstances that is never going to work.

Are you living your life or someone else idea of how your life should look?  Having a plan for your life is great, setting goals and reaching for the stars is fantastic but it is important to ensure you are not suffering under the pressure of perfection.

There has been many times in my life where I have tried to conform and I have pushed and pushed, only to realise that plan was never for me, like putting a square in a circle shaped hole.  Have you ever felt like that?

As women its a great time to stand up and say its time to peel back the layers and find our true authentic self and only following your path and doing the things that feel right to you.

That will be different for each one of you, and you know what, that is okay.

I had a realisation this week that I stopped doing something I love to please someone else 11 years ago, 11 years ago.  What a long time to be serving others and forgetting about the most important person, ME!

I am now getting back on my path, awakening my true authentic self and letting go of anything that doesn’t feel right and yes that does include people as well.

A great time to remember some people come into your life for a short time and others for the long haul, the trick is knowing the difference and releasing those here for the short term.

Learn more about Nicole www.nicoleivens.com/about