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Give Yourself Permission To Feel

Give Yourself Permission to Feel What You Feel

Welcome back to Season 2 of the Nurtured Empath Podcast

 

So, here we are back with season two and you know thinking about what the first episode would be for season two.

What really came through to me was what I have been seeing through client sessions in the last few months, it’s really been about not been able to feel what you feel.

What I have been noticing is that a lot of people will excuse how they are feeling because, especially with what we have been experiencing over the last year 2020 they feel like there are other people out there that are worse off.

And you know what it really doesn’t matter what other people are going through. This is about you and how you are feeling and about what you are experiencing.

Now you pushing down and not expressing or processing how it is that you are feeling and what it is that you are experiencing is not helping anybody.

Not helping you and not helping the other people you’re seeing that you are feeling are going through worse things than you are.

give yourself permission to feel

You not expressing your own feelings does nothing for them, it’s not going to help them on their path at all. All it’s going to do is to cause you to feel worse because you’re not going to be expressing or processing how you are feeling.

You’re going to be putting on that mask like we pretend to do to say you know what everything is okay, I am fine. That is obviously a big statement that empaths tend to use and females especially tend to use, we use that statement of I’m fine.

I think I have mentioned this before in the previous season of this podcast. I am fine is a statement that is banned in my household because it’s not a true statement.

When someone says they are fine, majority of the time they are not fine, they are just saying I don’t want to burden you with this, so I am going to say that I am fine.

All you’re saying is I can’t feel what I feel because the person over there has got it worse than I do. All that is doing is you’re pushing it down and not processing, and what not processing does is that it fills you up on the inside. And if you are filled up in the inside then it reduces your capacity to help other people.

So, if you are seeing someone else whether they’re close to you or just someone you know going through a tough time, and you feel that what your experience is, is less compared to what they’re going through.

While you not processing what’s going on for you that means you are minimising your capacity to help them with whatever they’re going through.

So, why would you want to do that?  Why would you want to look at their situation? That is really bad so, what I’m going through that is nothing I’m not going to deal with it.  All you are doing is just reducing that space that you have within you to help them with whatever they are going through.

I know for me I wouldn’t want to do that, in my role obviously as a counsellor I have to have the capacity to help my clients.

It’s important that I always deal with my stuff and I can tell you the things I hear from my clients are one hundred times worse than what I go through.

But it doesn’t minimise what I experience, I need to be processing and expressing that for myself, so then I still have that capacity to help them and that is the same for you.

Make sure you’re always expressing your own feelings, giving yourself permission to feel.

So, then you have that space to help other people that are going through some tough times.

I hope that helps you understand the importance of giving yourself the permission to feel.

So, it’s really important for you to start to know it’s okay to feel what you feel. It’s okay to express what you feel. It’s okay to process what you feel.

“Give Yourself Permission To Feel”

Blocking that and pretending to feel okay, is not helping you to grow it’s stunting your growth, your spiritual growth.

It’s important for you to give yourself the permission to feel.

That is really the message I wanted to get across in the first episode of season two.

“It is okay to feel”

give yourself permission to feel

I really want you to go ahead and be doing that, to start to process or to express what you feel.

Journaling is a great way to do that, it’s like a brain dump, open the page and really writing about truly how you are feeling.

What’s been happening? Who is part of the story? What’s the environment it’s happening in?

Really writing all of it out, getting it out of your brain, it’s going to help you to express and process it. To see the truth of what is really going on.

Because when we leave things up in our mind, they tend to gain momentum and the story can have things added into it that aren’t necessarily true.

This will really help you to express, process and really move through whatever it is you have been experiencing.

That is my tip for you today to really start to understand what is you are feeling.  I am going to leave you with a question:

“When was the last time you really gave yourself the permission to feel what you feel?”


Nicole offers both in-person and online holistic counselling sessions, to book your session click here


Nicole Ivens | Holistic Counsellor

 

Independence a Trauma Response

Is Your Independence a Trauma Response?

Is Your Independence a Trauma Response?

 

Something I have witnessed over the years working with my clients is the “Strong Woman” essence.  A facade that sensitive women in particular wear and present to the world to cover up what they are truly feeling below the surface.

Independence a Trauma Response

Strong women are fiercely independent not needing anyone or anything to help them, they use statements like “I can do it myself”.  It is a bit of a joke in our family here as when my husband would ask if I needed help, I would always say “No I can do it myself”.

I would see needing help as a weakness, like there was something wrong with me that I couldn’t handle it myself.  If I showed weakness that would open me up to feeling vulnerable and then essentially heartbreak.

Thinking about children, asking for help is not something they struggle with, if you are anything like me I have said to my kids “if I hear mum one more time, I’m going to change my name”.  So clearly kids are very good at getting their needs met, so when does that change?

When do we go from getting all our needs met and being okay with it, to seeing independence as strength and receiving help and support as weakness?

Experiencing trauma can cause you to do whatever you need to, to feel safe and sometimes that includes shutting yourself off, building that wall and the only person you rely on is YOU.

Telling yourself that you prefer it this way, it’s just easier to do it yourself because then there is no risk of been let down, disappointed or hurt.

This can come from all those times in your life where you were let down, disappointed and hurt by people you trusted.  It may have been a parent saying they will pick you up and then forgot, a sibling saying they will always have your back and then don’t show up, a friend that takes more than they give.

All these experiences add up to you losing trust in people and learning that the only person you can trust is yourself and in steps independence and your strong woman essence.

Whilst your independence may feel like it is protecting you from the outside world it is wearing away at the trust you also have of yourself.

When someone lets you down and you realise you can’t trust them, what are you equating that says about you?  That maybe you can’t trust yourself to make choices about others and who you can allow into your inner circle.

Losing trust in yourself has a massive affect on every part of your being, internal and external world.  It makes it hard to make even the easiest of decisions like what to eat.

Trust in yourself is imperative to living the life you came here to live at this time, to learn the soul lessons and fulfill both your life and soul purpose.

To start to understand more about your independence and learn whether it is a trauma response, is to ask yourself “what does independence mean to me?” and “why am I so independent?”.

These journaling questions are going to help you to start to know whether there is some healing needed, so you can start to trust in yourself and in others and stop living the lonely life of independence.

“You are worthy of a life that is supported by both fellow earthly souls and of course the universe and your cosmic team”


If you are feeling ready to heal your trauma, I would love to support you as you heal and release those events, moments and words of your past.  Click here to book your session.

Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor

how long does healing take

How Long Does Healing Take?

How Long Does Healing Take?

 

Thank you to one of my listeners of The Nurtured Empath Podcast for sending in this question.

 
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A very popular question that I get asked a lot, so I know there are many of you that have wondered about this at one time or another.

First thing I am going to say is “how long is a piece of string”.  What I really want you to take away from this article is it is very different for each person, but also flip that around and instead of putting a time line on how long healing is going to take understand it is a lifetime process.

how long does healing take

Healing is a Life Long Process

If you can take that approach that coming to Earth at this time, or at anytime, is about growth, it’s about lessons and it’s about healing.  If you can have that perspective you are not always going to be looking and asking where is the finish line, how long till I’m fixed, how long till I’m healed?

Honestly you are not someone that needs to be fixed, there may be things in your life that you have experienced that are now causing certain patterns to be appearing but it doesn’t mean that you are broken.  It just means that you are carrying around some heavy stuff and it is weighing you down.

It is about taking that time for yourself to start to heal.  I was talking to one of my clients just the other day, because this is a question I get a lot in client sessions as well.  When am I going to be fixed, when is this going to be over?  I have to break the news to them that this is never going to be over and the look on their face is like I just took away their favourite puppy dog.

But it is the truth, healing is an ongoing process, we are always going to be healing.  Even for me I am continually healing each and every day, I am journaling each and every day, I am tapping each and every day.

how long does healing take

Obviously when we start on our healing journey it is a little bit heavier, a little bit more work to be done because we are bringing up things from the past, traumas from the past that we have been carrying around for so long and that can be some heavy and deep work that we need to be doing.

As we are moving forward we don’t want anything that is happening in the present to then be something we need to heal down the track.  So that is what I mean when I say this is a lifetime process of healing and if you can take this approach, you are never going to get to that place again where you have been carrying around all the heaviness because you would of been doing it all along.

I feel that is important to understand why I say it is a lifelong process, so no I can’t tell you an exact timeline for your healing to be done.  It is very different for different people, some clients come to me and are just ready to heal everything, they are done carrying it around and are just ready to finally let it all go.

That takes time, some have been working with me on a weekly basis for over 12 months, they have experienced heavy traumas and we are working on them one by one, layer by layer.  Some clients just stay with me because they love their weekly session, knowing they have an hour that is just for them, no other demands on their time, this is their time.

It is important for you to determine what is it you are looking for, what is it you are wanting to heal?  As I mentioned I have clients that come to me and want to heal everything and then there are some clients that are like there is just this one event that keeps popping up and I just really want to stop thinking about it, or they want to forgive someone or forgive themselves.

They come for a couple of sessions and we heal that event and then they are on their way, but what I notice with these clients as well is they tend to come back.  They heal that one event and are good for about 6 months to a year and then they will reach out to me again and say I need to book in, I have another event surfacing that I would like to heal.

So it depends on the person and what it is that is happening in their life, where they are at and what it is they really want to achieve.  As how long their healing takes and the time that they are working with me 1-1.

As I mentioned in the beginning of this article, one thing I really want you to take from this is, healing is a lifelong process.  It is not always deep heavy stuff, if you are healing on a regular basis, every day.  You are not going to come 10 years down the track and find you have this heavy load you have been carrying around and needs deep and heavy healing.

Take the approach I am going to heal each and every day, I am going to take care of myself in the ways that I know are going to help me (however that looks for you).  As I mentioned I am journaling, tapping (EFT) and meditating everyday and that helps me to heal anything in the present whilst I’m also healing things from the past as they surface from my subconscious mind.

To answer your question “how long does healing take?”  It is a lifelong process but of course we can chunk that down into little bits, healing different events at different times to really help you to start to feel lighter, to feel more relaxed, to feel calmer and to start to achieve things in your life that you truly desire and deserve.

If you have any questions you would like answered, certainly let me know, you can comment below or send me an email.


To work with me privately and start on your healing journey, you can book your online session here.

Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor

Empaths and Trauma

Have all Empaths Experienced Trauma?

Have All Empaths Experienced Trauma?

“All Empaths Have Suffered Childhood Trauma or Have They?”

In the Empath community there is a lot of talk and even debate about this blanket statement, I have heard many Empath Coaches state that all empaths have suffered childhood trauma and that is why they are empaths.

You only have to look at the comments in these communities to see that that this isn’t necessarily the whole truth.  I know from my own personal experience that it isn’t true for me, I didn’t suffer from major childhood trauma, yet I am an Empath and always have been.

So, what is your view or opinion on this?  Do you feel your gift as an Empath came first or did you experience childhood trauma and that caused you to now have the traits of an Empath?

For me my experience and personal view and guidance on this topic is that I was given this amazing gift as an Empath from God.  I didn’t suffer any major traumatic experiences as a child, but I do feel my gift of being an empath did make me more susceptible to trauma.

I was talking to my brother just the other day about this, I am 1 of 5 children, the middle child, yes middle child syndrome.  I have two younger brothers and two older sisters and as we spoke about our childhood, I noticed how he interpreted certain experiences very different to me.

I started to notice that even though we grew up in the same house with the same parents and had similar experiences, we interpreted them very differently.  It wasn’t like there was anything bad, it could of been something simple like the way in which our dad might look at me and that could be traumatizing to me due to my sensitivity as an empath.

Where as that could happen to my brother and he wouldn’t even notice, it didn’t affect him in any way at all, he would just brush it off.  So as you can see it was not the trauma that caused me to be sensitive, but my sensitivity that caused me to experience certain events, actions, words, energy as a traumatic event.

Let me be very frank here, I am not saying that you may not have experienced trauma, many of my clients have, unspeakable acts of trauma that no person should ever experience.  This is just what I have experienced personally and noticed within the empath community.

Trauma is definitely something I see amongst the majority of my clients and 95% of my clients are Empaths, some have experienced as I mentioned unspeakable acts against them, but there are also those that just like me were traumatised due to their sensitive nature.

Either way there is a way home, back to your true self, to heal and release the hurt, pain and trauma.  You don’t have to keep carrying around that heavy weight, that burden is not yours to carry.


To begin on your healing journey, I am here for you, to be your companion walking along side you as you start to heal and release your trauma.  Book your online appointment here.

Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor

Energetic Body

Which Body is the Most Important? Energetic | Emotional | Physical

Which Body is the Most Important?

Energetic | Emotional | Physical

 

As an energy healer I spend a lot of time working on and talking about my energetic body, sharing ways to keep it clear from the energy of others.  I also focus a lot on both mine and my clients emotional bodies, healing from past experiences, releasing the emotional charge.

I’ll be honest my physical body hasn’t always been given the attention that she needs and deserves and I learned that lesson as my physical body started to break down after many years of chronic stress.

When my daughter started having seizures and was diagnosed with epilepsy, my stress levels went through the roof along with elevated cortisol levels.

Having high cortisol levels for a long period of time wreaks havoc on your physical body, 6 years on I am slowly recovering from adrenal fatigue.

So as you can see my energetic and emotional bodies had plenty of attention but my physical body did not and it showed.

There are three bodies you need to be aware of and give equal attention to:

  1. Energetic Body
  2. Emotional Body
  3. Physical Body

The energetic body can be seen as your spirit, as your aura, the first line of defence.  Your energetic body is the first one to be hit and as you start to know your energetic body so well, you will know when other energy has invaded it.

The emotional body is very closely linked with your energetic body, yet stands on its own as well.  Its about paying attention to and honouring your emotions, allowing them to flow through, to not get stuck, but to move through you.

As kids you may have been taught not to be emotional, hearing things like:

  • You are too sensitive
  • You are too overly emotional
  • We don’t talk about our feelings
  • Don’t air your dirty laundry
  • Don’t be silly
  • You want something to cry about, I’ll give you something to cry about

You know all those statements that were thrust upon us due to our sensitivity.  So it’s no wonder your may have a habit of suppressing your feelings and emotions.

As you continue to do that your emotional body will start to swell and when something starts to swell, it just gets bigger and bigger until it explodes or the tension is released.

I can promise you from personal experience when your emotional body swells, it will explode at the most inopportune time.  Sound familiar?

The physical body is affected by your energetic and emotional bodies, stuck energies and stuck emotions are going to have a negative affect on your body.  You may start to experience tension, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, adrenal fatigue, thyroid issues just to name a few.

The Body Holds The Score!

The traumas you have experienced will always be remembered by your physical body, your mind may forget but your body will always remember.

So even if you say “oh I’m fine, I’m past that, I don’t even really think about it”.  What does your body say about that?  Is it still holding the pain, the trauma and the hurt?  Is it screaming at you asking you to give it some attention?

Below the surface is information and guidance for you that is going to let you know the truth of what is truly going on.

The work I do with my clients is guiding them gently below the surface to find the truth, to find the core of what is truly happening and why.

“Leave the Surface to Find the Core”

Energetic Body

Overall well-being isn’t just about taking care of one part of you, it is taking care of all of you, of all of your bodies.

Which of these are you paying attention to? All three, just one or two or none of them. Together they are responsible for your overall well-being.


Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor

I would love to support you to start to heal what you have been carrying around, be that trauma, hurt, pain, anxiety or stress.  Click here to book your appointment.

words affecting your energy

How Your Words Are Affecting Your Energy

How Your Words Are Affecting Your Energy


“With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility” – Spiderman

A quote that came to me when I started to think about the power of the word, clearly being married to a sci-fi geek for the past 20 years is finally rubbing off on me.


Words are so extremely powerful and with that does come a lot of responsibility, as the words you use determine your reality.

Whether it is the words you use when you are talking to yourself, the words you use to describe yourself or the words you use when you are communicating with others.

The words you use when talking to yourself are the most powerful, as you are the person that one you spend the most time with and two listen to the most.

The words you use to describe yourself also have such a big impact on you, if you think about the way in which you describe yourself you can either empower or dis-empower yourself.

This is where you can start to see the affect that your words have on your energy, when you are feeling empowered and confident your energy levels are high.  But when you are feeling dis-empowered due to the words you are using, your energy is going to be low.

I always remember been told as a young mum of two girls that I am their biggest influence as the same sex parent, the way in which I describe myself to them can have a huge affect on how they then see themselves.

For example, say I say something like “I look fat today”, they can then internalise that and think if mum thinks she is fat, maybe I am too.

This really leads into the power of the word when you are also communicating with others, you have an affect on those around you, even if you are not aware of it.  I know for me my kids don’t seem to be listening for the most part, teenage girls for you.  But there will be times where I hear my words coming out of their mouth, so clearly they are listening.

I feel this is very well demonstrated in our current issues in schools around bullying, for the most part for our kids, it is the words that are being said as opposed to physical bullying.  All you have to do is look at the rate of teen/kid suicide from being bullied at school and online, again the power of the word.

The old saying goes:

“Sticks and Stones may break my Bones but Words will never Hurt me”

Boy is that all kinds of wrong, the emotional trauma that comes from the words used against you, words used to describe you and words used to hurt you is so so damaging.

Emotional wounds take so long to heal and unfortunately are not given enough attention in today’s world, if you are emotional you are seen as weak, if you are sensitive, you are seen as weak.

We need to start to give our words more attention, to really understand their power, their influence and their affect not just on us but on those that we interact with.

A great way to start to connect in more with your words is to allow them to move through the following pathways:

words affecting your energy

Making this a habit is going to help you so much to spend more time feeling empowered and influential, using your words for good.  Knowing you have the power to decide how it is you want to feel and how it is you want to make others feel when they are in your presence.  Because not only will the use of your words make a difference, your energy level will be different and those around you will feel it.


It is my honour to hold a safe space for you as you discover, heal and release your past and move towards a place of happiness, peace and serenity.

Together we will:

Unlock the Healer Within, Heal Past Traumas, Understand your Gift and Strengths as an Empath, Heighten your Self-Worth and Self-Confidence, Uncover the Culprit behind your Patterns, Uncover and Release Limiting Beliefs, and Create space for your dreams to manifest

Click here to book your appointment

Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor

Which Moon Phase is Your Friend?

Which Moon Phase is Your Friend?

Contrary to popular belief the full moon phase is my friend.

I am sure you have heard all the bad things about the full moon phase, like all the crazies are out or it is hard to sleep during the full moon phase.  Whilst I am sure these things are true, they just aren’t true for me.

Would you like to know how I found this out?

I remember before I really knew much about the moon phases or cycles, it was all about the full moon and believing the hype about it and what other people had experienced.

So what happens when you take on the beliefs of other people?  You start to see that happening in your life too, because your brain is very good at always proving to you that you are right, that what you believe is true.

So yes you would of seen some crazy people about or you would have had trouble sleeping.  Why?  Because that is what you believed.

But what if you could actually truly learn about each of the moon phases from an individual stand point, not what other people have told you, not what popular belief is but what you truly experience through each moon phase or cycle.

This is exactly what I did, I could no longer fool myself into believing what I was been told I should feel or experience.  So I went to work and charted out the moon cycles for 30 days and paying very close attention to my thoughts, feelings, experiences, energy levels and moods.

Moon Phase

Each day I would journal about how I was feeling, what I was experiencing both internally and externally and I used a system to indicate my energy levels.  So for low energy medium energy and for high energy.  I also noted what moon phase or cycle we were in, this gave me a good indication of which moon cycles were my friend and which were not.

Once I learned what was good for me and what wasn’t I was then able to plan my schedule around it.  For example I learned I am super energised on the full moon, very creative and can get so much done and yes I sleep very well.

Whereas on the Gibbous moon cycle, this one is not my friend, I would feel exhausted, low mood, low energy, low everything, so this was my time of rest where I would lay low.

So as you can see if I went on the popular belief on each moon cycle I wouldn’t be doing myself any justice, trying to do things at the wrong times and wondering why I wasn’t getting anywhere.

I challenge you to do the same, get yourself a book and chart out the moon cycles for the month and just start to see the pattern and gain a deeper understanding of the moon cycles as they apply to you and your energy.

Have a listen to the podcast episode where I briefly share with you each of the moon cycles.

 

I can promise you it will start to make a big difference in your life and help you to start to understand your own cycle too.


Nicole Ivens | Empath Counsellor

If you need extra support in understanding the moon cycles and how they apply to you, book a free call with Nicole.  You can book in here.