We all go through so many different experiences in our lives.
It is a given that we are going to hold onto certain ones and let go of others. The question is are you holding onto the right experiences, the ones that will serve you rather than harm you?
Let’s have a look at the reasons you may have for holding onto certain experiences:
- They bring you joy, the memory takes you back to a happier time.
- The experience changed you in some profound way
- A pivotal moment in your life
- Guilt is holding you back from releasing the experience
- Forgiveness, you are unable to forgive others or yourself
- Punishment, you feel holding onto the anger is punishing the other person or yourself
As you can see there are many reasons we hold onto past experiences and not all are good for us and this list is far from been exhaustive.
People are going to take actions that you may deem as offensive or hurtful and sometimes those people are the ones that are the closest to you, yes I am talking about your family members. When these experiences happen they can hurt you so deeply, right through to your core that it can be hard to see a way out.
I am sure if someone suggests you need to move on or you need to forgive them, your first reaction may be to ask them to hold onto some of your anger. No other person can know how you are feeling, even if they have had a similar experience, its just not the same.
So if no other person can know how you are feeling, does that mean you are on your own? No far from it, just because I may not be able to know exactly how you are feeling, I can empathise with what you are experiencing and give you a safe space to just breath and start to let it go.
5 Ways to the Art of Letting Go
- Talk about it with a trusted friend or Professional Counsellor
- Journaling, start to write out your thoughts and feelings
- EFT or Tapping – a quick an effective way to release past hurts and experiences that are no longer serving you
- Meditation – a time to just be and releasing your thoughts as they come and go
- Forgive yourself – you are not perfect and there will be times you wish you did something different. Its time to let go of the judgement of YOU!
I get a lot of questions about journaling, main one being “I just don’t know how to do it”. Here are some tips to help you on your journaling journey:
Just try these five easy steps. You’ll be writing!
W – What do you want to write about? What’s going on? How do you feel? What are you thinking about? What do you want? Name it.
R – Review or reflect on it. Close your eyes. Take three deep breaths. Focus. You can start with “I feel…” or “I want…” or “I think…” or “Today….” or “Right now…” or “In this moment…”
I – Investigate your thoughts and feelings. Start writing and keep writing. Follow the pen/keyboard. If you get stuck or run out of juice, close your eyes and re-center yourself. Re-read what you’ve already written and continue writing.
T – Time yourself. Write for 5-15 minutes. Write the start time and the projected end time at the top of the page. If you have an alarm/timer on your mobile phone, set it.
E – Exit smart by re-reading what you’ve written and reflecting on it in a sentence or two: “As I read this, I notice—” or “I’m aware of—” or “I feel—”. Note any action steps to take.
In summary….it’s easy to W.R.I.T.E. !
W hat topic?
T ime yourself
E xit smart
Credit to: Center for Journal Therapy – learn more here
These strategies will work wonders in helping you to master the art of letting go and guess what you can use these with your kids too. I am sure there have been times where you kids have held onto an experience for longer than is healthy for them, I know my kids have.