Have you ever had the thought "I just don't know what I need?"
We can’t miss the rhetoric especially on social media that dictates:
🗣️ Self-care is not Selfish
🗣️ Put your needs first
🗣️ Bring yourself to the top of your to-do list
And I know that because I have said all of these things and more both on my social media platforms and to my private clients and members…
Was I wrong in saying these things? No…
But we need to go deeper on this topic of self-care is not selfish…
If you have ever thought taking care of yourself is selfish, then this article is for you…
Asking "What do I Need?" is too big of a question...
As you read that statement:
Asking “What do I Need?” is too big of a question, how does your body and nervous system respond?
Did you notice a letting go in your system?
That in itself is a healing process, allowing you to release overwhelm in having to know what your needs are.
When prioritising yourself is not the norm, jumping to asking “what do I need?” can feel very overwhelming.
It can feel like jumping in the deep end of the swimming pool, when you haven’t learned how to swim yet…
So what does paddling in the self-prioritisation pool look like?
It starts with softness and with compassion…
You are still in there….. and you deserve time and space to rediscover your needs.
When you have spent the majority of your time and energy on the needs of others, turn the focus towards yourself can feel very foreign and even overwhelming.
Let’s be honest, it is alot easier to focus on others and their needs than turn the spotlight on to yourself.
So we start with a softening of the wall that you have put up to keep others out.
There are layers to this wall, I spoke to the external layer in another article “You hold everyone else, but who is holding you.”
In this article I am going to focus on the internal layer, the one that protects you from yourself; as in all that you have experienced and possibly hiding from.
Let me ask you, have you ever said to yourself or to others:
"I am just compartmentalising or I just push it down"
Whenever I have heard that statement “compartmentalisation or pushing down” I know straight away why my client is unable to access what her needs are.
They are buried beneath this internal layer that is full of all the micro and macro moments that weren’t able to be processed for one reason or another.
So of course when you are asked or ask yourself “what do I need”, you are faced with a blank screen and you may use a blanket statement like “I am fine”.
In podcast episode for “You hold everyone else, but who is holding you.” I take you through an EFT Tapping sequence to soften the use of “I am fine”.
How you can work with your internal wall:
As I mentioned earlier we start with softness and compassion and these are the keys to connecting with the internal layer of your wall.
If you try to force it to come down before your nervous system feels safe to do so, it will solidify and make accessing your needs all the more harder to do.
As you can see in the imagery above, I am writing in my journal to access my needs and then there is a layer of water aka my wall and then the part of me that holds the answers.
If I try to use physical force to get through, it will feel like a drowning for both of us.
So we need to move slowly towards each other, making it feel safe for her to share with me what she knows, and safe for me to hear the answers.
A gentle journey to uncovering the why behind the loss of your needs
There will be many reasons, experiences and situations that have played a part in the erosion of your unmet needs.
So before you can unravel and understand your needs, you first need to understand why your needs have gone unmet for such a long period of time.
What your needs are at this moment in time don’t matter, they will come later.
As human beings we like to rush through things, we want immediate answers; instant gratification if you like.
But deep healing, in particular healing of your nervous system takes slow intentional actions.
The first question you need to ponder is:
Am I willing to delve into my inner world, to start to understand the why behind my unmet needs?
Sit with this question and allow your body and nervous system give you an answer…
If the answer is NO, then stop here. Maybe right now just knowing that you don’t need to know your needs right now and just the awareness of why “You Don’t Know What You Need Anymore” is enough.
If the answer is YES, let’s delve in with some powerful journaling prompts to allow you to connect with your inner wise one…
Journaling is a very powerful healing tool, giving you access to the answers that lie within you.
A great way I find to describe journaling is to bring the answers you seek into the light.
Right now the answers are sitting behind your eyes, so you can’t see them.
Have you ever thought about how easily you can see what others need, but have no clue what you need?
That is because it is right in front of you, so you can easily see what is needed.
Journaling allows you to experience that for yourself too…
Journaling Prompts to Mirror your inner world...
🖋️Inner wise one are you feeling safe to connect with me?
🖋️ I know I have neglected myself, could you help me to understand the ‘why’?
🖋️ How would it feel if I put focus on myself before the needs of others?
🖋️ Is there a moment in my life that caused me to hold a belief that taking care of myself is selfish?
🖋️ Are there small steps I can take to show myself nurture, that doesn’t take away from the care I provide for others?
I encourage you to make some time and space to sit with and ponder these journaling prompts.
They can be a powerful entry point to understanding yourself and a pathway forward to lighting up your true needs.
Ready to go deeper with your journaling practice?
If something stirred within you as you read this; an inner nudge to explore your emotions, your creativity, or your soul’s voice more deeply; then I invite you to join me inside The Art of Journaling.
This self-paced course will guide you through five soulful journaling styles (expressive, structured, bullet, artistic, and cosmic), along with a powerful EFT Tapping round to help you release resistance and build trust in the process.
Whether you’re brand new to journaling or craving a more intuitive, nourishing way to write, this course will meet you exactly where you are.
🖊️ Your words are medicine.
📔Your journal is a sacred mirror.
Click below to begin your journey:
