What do boundaries look like in an intimate relationship?
This is a question I have been asked quite a lot by clients when I flag the idea of implementing boundaries. Boundaries in an intimate relationship can feel like one of the biggest asks when we talk about boundaries.
Clients have said things like:
- They will think I don’t love them
- What if they feel like I don’t enjoy spending time with them
- But I like doing things for them
What I have witnessed in the relationships of my clients once they start to implement boundaries within their intimate relationships is respect, love, joy and feeling seen and heard.
Who wouldn't want all those things or more of those things in an intimate relationship?
The next question is, how do you do that? It all starts with you and what it is you want to feel and experience with your partner, asking yourself a series of questions:
- Why have I not implemented boundaries up until now?
- Where do I say yes when I really want to say no?
- What am I afraid of with implementing boundaries?
- What do I think I can achieve by implementing boundaries?
Get out that journal and write out these questions and be open and honest with your answers.
Boundaries in an intimate relationship will look like you both knowing what it is the other one needs, what each of you want from the relationship and very open communication.
My husband and I celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary last month and looking back over our time together I can see how the boundaries we have implemented with each other have been a big part of our long courtship.
We both know what the other one needs and when they need it, for example our eldest daughter has higher needs with her epilepsy and autism, and as parents it can be quite demanding at times. I have noticed when one of us is down, the other one takes the reigns, and vice versa.
Each person within the relationship will have their own set of unique needs, but how does the other partner know what they are without open communication, yes you need to tell them.
It is okay to ask for what you need!
As hard as implementing boundaries in an intimate relationship can feel, it can actually feel like a relief for your partner, no more guessing but instead feeling confident in meeting your needs as your loving partner.
I would love to hear how you feel about implementing boundaries in your intimate relationship, comment below…
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